This is a difficult question that many Christians wrestle with. On one hand, the Bible clearly teaches that we should forgive others, just as God has forgiven us. Yet on the other hand, it can feel unjust if our own sins are not forgiven just because we struggle to forgive someone who has hurt us deeply. What does the Bible really teach about this issue? Let’s take a thorough look at the relevant passages.
The Lord’s Prayer – Forgive Us Our Debts
In Matthew 6:9-13, Jesus provides a model prayer for his followers which has come to be known as the Lord’s Prayer. In it, he teaches us to pray “Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.” This seems to imply that God’s forgiveness of our sins is somehow contingent on our willingness to forgive others. However, it is important to understand this statement in its broader context.
First, we must remember that our forgiveness of others should flow out of an understanding of how much we have been forgiven by God (Luke 7:47). God does not expect us to forgive in our own strength, but rather by the power of the Holy Spirit working within us. Second, some point out that the word “as” in this passage could be translated “because.” In other words, “Forgive us our debts, because we also have forgiven our debtors.” This implies that our forgiveness of others is the evidence or result of God’s prior forgiveness at work in our hearts, not the cause of it.
The Unmerciful Servant – Matthew 18:21-35
Perhaps the clearest teaching on this topic is found in Matthew 18:21-35, in the Parable of the Unmerciful Servant. Jesus tells the story of a servant who owed his master 10,000 talents – an enormous, unpayable debt. Out of sheer mercy, the master forgave his debt. Yet that same servant refused to forgive the much smaller debt of a fellow servant. When the master heard of this, he reinstated the large debt and punished the unmerciful servant.
Jesus concludes by saying, “So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart” (v. 35). At first read, this seems to suggest that our forgiveness from God is revoked if we do not forgive others. However, the context provides some helpful qualifications.
First, the unmerciful servant had clearly already been forgiven by the master prior to his own unwillingness to forgive. The debt had been canceled, and he had been released. Second, traditional Jewish teaching was that repentance and atonement were required to receive forgiveness from God. Yet the unmerciful servant shows no repentance for his actions. Thus, rather than his prior forgiveness being revoked, this story illustrates that the servant likely had never truly received forgiveness in the first place due to his unchanged heart.
Forgiveness Is Not Earned
Other Scripture makes it clear that forgiveness is a gift of God’s grace, not something we can earn or deserve. Ephesians 1:7 declares, “In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace.” Romans 3:24 echoes, “…and are justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus.” Paul further confirms that if we had to earn forgiveness, “Christ died for no purpose” (Galatians 2:21).
Since Scripture teaches unambiguously that forgiveness cannot be earned, our forgiving others cannot function as a prerequisite we must meet before God grants forgiveness. God’s forgiveness precedes our ability to forgive. Rather, our forgiveness of others serves as evidence that we have truly received God’s redeeming grace.
Forgiveness Is Conditional, Not Contingent
Though God’s gracious forgiveness is not initially contingent upon our forgiving others, Jesus and the apostles do teach that it is conditional upon a genuine, repentant faith. Our ongoing experience of forgiveness is linked to our willingness to forgive.
We see this in the Lord’s Prayer, where Jesus teaches we should ask daily for ongoing forgiveness of sin (Matthew 6:11-12). Such requests for daily forgiveness imply that our relationship with the Father depends on ongoing confession and repentance. Scriptures like 1 John 1:9 make a similar point, stating that God’s ongoing forgiveness and cleansing is conditioned on our continued confession of sin.
Furthermore, in the Parable of the Unmerciful Servant, the revoked forgiveness illustrates the conditional nature of forgiveness. Though the servant’s debt was initially canceled, his lack of repentance – as evidenced by his refusal to forgive – resulted in the reinstatement of his debt. In other words, though God’s gracious pardon is unconditional at the moment of salvation, it can be forfeited if it does not produce heart change.
Therefore, while God’s forgiveness is not initially contingent on our forgiving others, it is conditional upon genuine faith that manifests itself in a changed heart eager to forgive others, just as God has forgiven us.
Forgiveness Is a Process
Since forgiveness is conditional upon repentance and faith, it is often portrayed in Scripture as an ongoing process, rather than a one-time event. We see this in Jesus’ teaching to forgive “seventy times seven” (Matthew 18:22). Peter echoed the concept when he asked Jesus if he should forgive his brother as many as seven times (Matthew 18:21). Jesus’ response made it clear that forgiveness is not to be limited by frequency or quantity.
In Luke 17:3-4, Jesus told his disciples, “If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him, and if he sins against you seven times in the day, and turns to you seven times, saying, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive him.” Again, the focus is on a process of repeated confession, repentance, and forgiveness.
This does not mean God’s pardon is incomplete, but rather that it takes time to root out wrong attitudes and habits developed over years. As we grow in grace, we become quicker to recognize our sins and seek both God’s pardon and the reconciliation of broken relationships. But the process is lifelong.
A Changed Heart Will Forgive
Though our forgiveness is not the cause of God’s redemptive pardon, Christ made it clear that a heart changed by God’s grace will always be ready to forgive. In the Parable of the Unmerciful Servant, true conversion would have resulted in the servant passing on the immense forgiveness he had received from the master (Matt. 18:33).
Similarly, immediately after teaching the Lord’s Prayer, Jesus emphasized, “For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses” (Matthew 6:14-15). A heart unwilling to forgive reveals an unrepentant heart that has not truly experienced God’s transformative grace.
Thus, while our human forgiveness does not produce divine forgiveness, it is the fruit of it. Our forgiveness becomes the evidence of genuine conversion. A heart that has received mercy will be eager to show mercy to others in response.
Common Questions
Let’s apply these principles to a few common questions people have about forgiveness:
What if I don’t feel like forgiving someone who hurt me?
Remember that forgiveness is a process enabled by God’s power at work within us. Tell God exactly how you feel and ask Him for the desire and ability to forgive. Forgiveness may begin merely as a choice of the will, but God can change our hearts to match our choice as we yield to Him.
What if I keep struggling to forgive the same person?
Keep pursuing forgiveness. Each time anger or hurt resurfaces, continually surrender those feelings to the Lord. Does the other person continue to do hurtful things? Set healthy boundaries, but pray for them rather than resent them. God is far more concerned with your heart than a specific timeline.
What if someone isn’t sorry for hurting me? Must I still forgive?
Yes, we should still forgive them. Forgiveness is primarily for our benefit, to set us free from bitterness (Hebrews 12:15). However, trust and reconciliation may need to wait until the other person shows repentance and change. But you can still release them to God in forgiveness.
What if I confess a sin but don’t feel forgiven?
Our feelings cannot be the basis for God’s forgiveness. If we have confessed our sins and put our faith in Christ alone for salvation, we are forgiven, even if we may not always feel like it. Rest in God’s promises of forgiveness and cleansing rather than relying on emotions (1 John 1:9).
Conclusion
While it can be a complex issue, the Bible gives insight into how our human forgiveness is related to God’s divine pardon. God’s gracious forgiveness is not initially contingent upon our forgiving others. Rather, it is conditioned upon repentant faith in Christ. Yet an unchanged heart that is unwilling to forgive reveals a lack of true conversion. Though not the cause of God’s redemptive forgiveness, our human forgiveness serves as evidence of transformation and an eager response to the mercy we have received in Christ.
