Having close friendships with unbelievers is a complex issue that Christians must carefully consider. On one hand, we are called to be set apart and not conform to the patterns of this world (Romans 12:2). We are told not to be unequally yoked with unbelievers (2 Corinthians 6:14) and that bad company corrupts good character (1 Corinthians 15:33). However, we are also called to be light and salt in the world, ministering to unbelievers and being witnesses for Christ (Matthew 5:13-16). What does the Bible teach about having close friendships with unbelievers? Let’s explore this topic in more depth.
The Risks of Close Friendships with Unbelievers
There are definite risks and warnings when it comes to having intimate friendships with unbelievers. Here are some things the Bible warns about:
- We can be led astray – Proverbs 13:20 says “Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm.” Spending lots of time with those who don’t know Christ increases the temptation to compromise our beliefs and values.
- Our love may grow cold – Jesus said the love of most will grow cold because of the increase of wickedness (Matthew 24:12). Close relationships with unbelievers can negatively impact our passion for Christ.
- We can hide our light – Believers are exhorted not to hide their light but let it shine brightly (Matthew 5:16). Close friendships with unbelievers can tempt us to dim our light and hide our faith.
- Bad company corrupts good morals – “Do not be misled: Bad company corrupts good character” (1 Corinthians 15:33). Ungodly influences from close friendships can corrupt believers’ morals.
- We become unequally yoked – 2 Corinthians 6:14 says “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?” This is mainly about marriage but can apply to very close friendships too.
There are definitely serious pitfalls to avoid when it comes to close friendships with unbelievers. We must be on guard so that we are not led astray. Now let’s look at the potential benefits.
Potential Benefits of Friendships with Unbelievers
While there are risks, there are also potential benefits for Christians to have mutual friendships with unbelievers:
- We can be a light – Believers are called to be light in the darkness and salt of the earth (Matthew 5:13-16). Friendships with unbelievers allow us to let our light shine.
- We may win them to Christ – God may use our influence to draw unbelieving friends to salvation in Christ (1 Corinthians 9:19-23).
- We fulfill the Great Commission – Jesus commanded us to go and make disciples of all nations (Matthew 28:19-20). Friendships provide opportunities to share the gospel.
- We better understand them – Relationships with lost people helps us relate better and removes caricatures (1 Corinthians 9:19-23).
- We can minister to them – As Christians, we are called to do good to all people as we have opportunity (Galatians 6:10). Friendships allow us to minister to their needs.
- We develop discernment – Interacting with unbelievers can actually strengthen our faith as we learn discernment, see the power of the gospel, and grow in conviction.
There are definitely potential benefits for believers and the kingdom of God when we engage in friendships with unbelievers. The key is keeping the proper perspective.
Principles for Healthy Friendships with Unbelievers
In light of both the risks and benefits, here are some key principles for keeping friendships with unbelievers healthy and God-honoring:
- Keep Christ preeminent – Do not compromise your loyalty to Christ or hide your faith. Keep growing your intimacy with Jesus above all else.
- Be discerning – Carefully select who you develop close ties with. Not all unbelievers make good friends. Seek those who will respect your boundaries.
- Guard your heart – Do not become overly enamored with unbelievers or let them sway you from obeying Christ. Remain on guard spiritually.
- Watch your influence – While seeking to influence them positively, be wary of negative influences in thoughts, speech, or deeds that could corrupt you.
- Keep Christian community – Stay rooted in fellowship with other believers so the values of Christ permeate your friendships.
- Look for open doors – Ask God to open doors for the gospel. View friendships as opportunities to minister, discuss spiritual matters, and share Christ’s love.
- Maintain proper priority – While showing unbelievers the love of Christ, your priority should be spending time nurturing your faith and Christian friendships.
- Establish boundaries – To avoid spiritual compromise, determine biblical standards for the friendship and what is off limits. Don’t be passive.
By applying these principles, we can develop meaningful yet God-honoring friendships with unbelievers. The key is keeping both the risks and benefits in mind and acting wisely.
Examples of Biblical Friendships with Unbelievers
There are several positive examples in the Bible of friendships between godly people and unbelievers:
- Jesus – Jesus spent time with and showed love to unbelieving “tax collectors and sinners” with the purpose of reaching them (Luke 5:29-32).
- Daniel – As an exile in Babylon, Daniel served unbelieving kings while maintaining his devotion to God. He used his influence to honor God (Daniel 1-6).
- Peter – Peter shared the gospel with the Gentile centurion Cornelius, leading his whole household to faith in Christ (Acts 10).
- Paul – Paul adapted his approach to build bridges with both Jews and Gentiles for the sake of the gospel (1 Corinthians 9:19-23).
- Joseph of Arimathea – Joseph remained a disciple of Jesus even though he was a part of the Jewish ruling council. He boldly asked to bury Jesus (Mark 15:43-46).
These examples show us that God can use relationships with unbelievers to shine gospel light. The key is keeping God first in our lives and being wise in how we interact.
Special Concerns with Unbelievers of the Opposite Sex
Friendships with unbelievers of the opposite sex introduce further complications. Here are some special concerns to keep in mind:
- Romantic temptation – Emotional intimacy with unbelievers may open the door to romantic temptation. Guard your heart (Proverbs 4:23).
- Mixed signals – Behavior that seems spiritually neutral may send unintentional romantic signals, leading to confusion or false hope about the relationship.
- Appearances of evil – Spending time alone with an unbeliever of the opposite sex may give the appearance of impropriety even if nothing inappropriate is happening (1 Thessalonians 5:22).
- Influence on future spouse – Close emotional ties with opposite sex unbelievers can create barriers for developing intimacy with a future Christian spouse.
- Hindered ministry – The time and energy spent nurturing close cross-gender friendships may better be invested in ministering to believers of the same sex.
Same-sex friendships avoid many of the entanglements and pitfalls that come with close cross-gender friendships between believers and unbelievers. Great caution is needed in this area.
Guidance for Parents with Unbelieving Children
A unique situation arises when Christian parents have children who do not believe in or follow God. Here are some special principles for parents navigating this challenge:
- Keep praying – Continually pray for God to work in your children’s hearts and draw them to himself (Philippians 1:6).
- Model Christ – Let your life radiate the love, joy and peace of knowing Christ. Be an authentic example (Matthew 5:16).
- Exercise wisdom – Seek God’s wisdom in sharing truth and giving correction. Don’t drive them away unnecessarily (Colossians 4:5-6).
- Shower love – Make your relationship with your children all about love. Show Christlike acceptance even when disappointed by their choices.
- Guard influence – You cannot control your children’s choices, but do take measures to limit worldly influences in areas you can control.
- Be patient – Change is God’s work. Avoid pushing too hard or giving up hope. Patiently allow God’s timing (2 Peter 3:9).
- Keep communication open – Maintain relationship bridges that allow you to stay influential in their lives. Be someone they can talk to.
Loving well and modeling Christ before unbelieving children allows parents to retain godly influence until God draws the children to himself.
Cautions About Isolation from Unbelievers
Some Christians can make the mistake of isolating themselves from unbelievers in an attempt to avoid bad influences. But this cuts us off from opportunities to be salt and light. Here are some potential downsides of isolation from unbelievers:
- No gospel impact – Isolation prevents us from developing relationships with unbelievers in which we can share Christ’s love and truth.
- No ministry – Separation from unbelievers cuts us off from opportunities to meet needs and minister to those who need Jesus.
- Self-righteousness – Isolation can breed an unhealthy “us vs. them” mentality, pride, and self-righteousness.
- Loss of empathy – Having no unbelieving acquaintances deprives us of understanding and empathy for the lost.
- No chance to develop discernment – Christians who lack any association with unbelievers have less opportunity to develop discernment and wise judgment.
- Missing Jesus’ example – Jesus immersed himself among unbelievers. He calls us to reach out to, not isolate from, a hurting world (Mark 2:15-17).
Some separation from worldly influence is wise, but total isolation deprives us of gospel opportunities and stifles Christian growth.
Wise Interaction Without Close Friendship
For believers who do not feel called to close friendships with unbelievers, there are still many ways to interact in a Christ-honoring manner:
- Be kind to all – Treat unbelievers with sincere kindness, compassion, and respect even without pursuing deep friendship.
- Look for opportunities to help – Be open to ways God may use you to meet practical needs of unbelievers you interact with.
- Share your story – Appropriately look for opportunities to share your personal story of faith in Christ.
- Discuss, don’t argue religion – If they are open, discuss your beliefs and listen to theirs without getting combative or argumentative.
- Set a godly example – Let your life shine as an example of peace, compassion, honesty and integrity in all your interactions.
- Pray for them – Regularly pray for unbelievers you interact with, that God will draw them to salvation.
- Carefully consider romantic relationships – Prayerfully consider romantic relationships only with those who share your sincere Christian commitment.
Even without pursuing close friendships, we can still engage unbelievers wisely as salt and light, introduce them to Christ, and plant gospel seeds.
Conclusion
Developing close friendships with unbelievers is a complex issue with both potential benefits and serious risks. Christians must carefully weigh principles from Scripture such as being in the world but not of it (John 17:14-18), walking in wisdom (Colossians 4:5-6), guarding our hearts (Proverbs 4:23), not being unequally yoked (2 Corinthians 6:14), and letting our light shine (Matthew 5:16). With much prayer and wisdom, some believers can develop Christ-centered yet authentic friendships with unbelievers that allow them to minister the gospel. Other believers may better honor God by focusing primarily on Christian relationships. Biblical principles should guide each believer as they evaluate their own temperament, spiritual maturity, influencers, and ministry calling to determine what friendships with unbelievers are appropriate. Close associations with those who don’t know Christ require much caution and constant reliance on God’s Spirit within us.
