The verse in question comes from 1 Corinthians 13, which is often referred to as the “Love Chapter” of the Bible. In this passage, the apostle Paul describes the attributes and importance of godly, agape love. He writes in verses 4-7:
“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” (1 Corinthians 13:4-7, ESV)
In verse 5, Paul states specifically that love “is not rude.” The Greek word translated as “rude” here is aschemoneo. This word can also mean “unbecoming” or “indecent.” So what does it mean practically that godly love is not rude or unbecoming?
1. Love does not act insensitively or inconsiderately
To act rudely means to act in a way that is insensitive, inconsiderate, or offensive to others. Love, on the other hand, is marked by thoughtfulness, compassion, and care for others. It seeks to build others up, not tear them down through selfish or abrasive behavior.
A loving person will be sensitive to the feelings, situations, and well-being of others. They will be careful with their words and actions in order not to needlessly offend or hurt. As Paul wrote in Ephesians 4:29, “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.”
2. Love speaks with grace and respect
Rudeness often manifests itself in harsh, disrespectful, or demeaning speech. But love “does not dishonor others” (1 Corinthians 13:5, NIV). It speaks with grace, dignity, and respect, even when correcting or confronting.
Jesus set the example in this. He boldly spoke truth, yet was full of grace and truth (John 1:14). As Colossians 4:6 says, “Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person.” And 1 Peter 3:15-16 reminds believers, “But in your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect.”
3. Love avoids selfishness and self-centered behavior
Rudeness often stems from selfishness – being focused on your own interests and needs to the exclusion or even harm of others. But as 1 Corinthians 13 makes clear, “Love does not insist on its own way” (v. 5). It is not self-seeking (v. 5).
The godly love described in the Bible moves us away from self-centeredness toward other-centeredness. As Philippians 2:3-4 instructs, “Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.”
So pursuing love means denying selfish impulses and considering how your actions and words might impact someone else.
4. Love seeks to serve, not be served
Closely related, rude behavior often manifests when people have an attitude of entitlement – when they expect or demand to be served and catered to. But godly love flips this script. It models the servant heart of Christ, who declared that he “came not to be served but to serve” (Mark 10:45).
As a result, loving actions are marked by humility not entitlement. Love looks for opportunities to give, assist, and meet the needs of others – not in arrogance or condescension but in genuine care and compassion. As Galatians 5:13 states, “For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another.”
5. Love is patient and slow to anger
Rudeness also surfaces when people are quick to become angry, impatient, or irritated. But love does not have a short fuse. The first attribute listed for love in 1 Corinthians 13 is that it is patient and long-suffering (v. 4). This means love does not lose its temper or react in anger when wronged or inconvenienced.
As Proverbs 14:29 states, “Whoever is slow to anger has great understanding, but he who has a hasty temper exalts folly.” And James 1:19-20 reminds believers, “Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.”
Love avoids rude, reactionary behavior by striving to be patient, thoughtful, and slow to anger when relating to others.
6. Love seeks unity, not division
Rude behavior often sows division and disunity. It pushes people apart rather than drawing them together. But love does the opposite – it “binds everything together in perfect harmony” (Colossians 3:14). It seeks reconciliation over alienation.
This means a loving person will be careful to avoid words and actions that drive unnecessary wedges between people. They will strive for peace, pursue unity, and extend forgiveness to maintain godly relationships. As Romans 14:19 instructs, “So then let us pursue what makes for peace and for mutual upbuilding.”
7. Love reflects the heart and character of Christ
Ultimately, the kind of agape love described in 1 Corinthians 13 reflects Christ himself. As followers of Jesus, the loving nature and character of Christ should shape how we live, speak, and relate to others. Rudeness has no place in representing Jesus.
Colossians 3:12-14 describes this well: “Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.”
In other words, loving actions demonstrate Christ’s transforming work in our lives. They make the Gospel visible and attractive to the world. As Jesus said in John 13:35, “By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”
8. Love ultimately points to the love of God
The love that Christians are called to live out is grounded in and inseparable from God’s love. 1 John 4:7-8 declares, “Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love.”
God’s love, revealed through Christ, is perfect, unconditional, and self-sacrificial. It’s the ultimate model for how human love should look. And it’s only through God’s power at work within us that imperfect people can love as we ought to. As 1 John 4:11 says, “if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.”
So ultimately, living out “love is not rude” points to the transforming love of God at work in changed hearts and lives. It makes the Gospel visible through our Christ-honoring relationships and interactions with others.
Conclusion
The Bible makes clear that godly, agape love avoids rudeness in any form. Instead, it is patient, thoughtful, graceful, humble, others-focused, unity-building, and Christ-reflecting. This kind of love moves us beyond selfishness and requires God’s power to become rooted in changed hearts.
As followers of Christ, we all fall short in living out “love is not rude.” But Scripture calls us to pursue this love that more fully honors God and points others to Him. The more we yield to God’s work in us, the more loving kindness should mark our lives.
