Love is a central theme in the Bible. 1 Corinthians 13 in particular provides an extended description of what true, godly love looks like. Verse 5 states that love “does not seek its own” (ESV). But what exactly does it mean for love to “not seek its own”?
At its core, this phrase conveys that true love is not selfish or self-centered. The Greek word translated as “seek its own” literally means “to seek one’s own interests or advantage.” So a loving person does not arrogantly demand that their own desires, wants, or preferences be catered to. They are not absorbed with promoting themselves and grasping after what benefits them alone.
Rather, godly love looks outward towards the needs and interests of others. As 1 Corinthians 13 further describes, love “does not insist on its own way” (v. 5) but “bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things” (v. 7). The loving person is willing to sacrifice personal rights and agendas for the good of others. Their energy is poured into building others up rather than selfishly seeking after their own advancement and gain.
This principle has several practical applications:
1) In relationships, not being self-seeking means being willing to yield personal preferences in order to accommodate the desires of one’s spouse, family members, or friends. True love does not stubbornly demand its own way but is marked by humility, deference, and compromise (Philippians 2:3-4).
2) Not being self-seeking impacts how one uses their money and possessions. The loving person does not spend selfishly on themselves but is liberal in generosity towards the needs of others (1 John 3:17). They invest financial resources in ways that benefit others.
3) At church, not being self-seeking means focusing on building up the corporate body rather than demanding one’s own preferred style of music, length of service, or particular programs. The loving Christian yields their preferences for the greater good (Philippians 2:3-4).
4) In the workplace, the loving employee does not jockey for position or glory but works diligently to advance the goals and interests of their company and colleagues (Philippians 2:4). They do not view their job as merely a means for selfish gain.
5) Even in sharing one’s faith, not being self-seeking regulates our motives. The loving evangelist is not focused on mere self-aggrandizement but genuinely invested in the spiritual wellbeing of others (1 Corinthians 10:24). Self-serving pride is set aside.
Of course, balancing self-love and love for others is complex. Self-care is needed to love well. But in whatever context, agape love prompts one to look outward with care and concern rather than defaulting always to a narrow self-interest. This principle provides a challenging standard that followers of Christ must constantly wrestle with and pray to exhibit. May God enable us to walk in the truth that love seeks not its own but the good of others.
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The concept that “love is not self-seeking” has roots throughout Scripture and biblical teaching:
– The Greatest Commandments to love God and love neighbor (Matthew 22:37-39) reflect love’s others-centeredness. True love flows first to God then others.
– Jesus said the two greatest commandments are to “love the Lord your God with all your heart and soul and mind” and to “love your neighbor as yourself” (Matthew 22:37-39 ESV). Loving others requires looking out for their interests.
– When asked “who is my neighbor?” Jesus told the Good Samaritan parable, emphasizing love for even those considered enemies or outcasts (Luke 10:25-37). Love crosses social barriers.
– Jesus’ teaching on the Golden Rule “So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you” (Matthew 7:12) assumes care for others’ desires.
– On the night of his betrayal, Jesus modeled love by washing his disciples feet. An incredible act of humility and service (John 13:1-15).
– Paul teaches extensively on love’s others-focus. “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others” (Philippians 2:3-4).
– We are to “consider others better than yourselves” (Philippians 2:3) and to “look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others” (Philippians 2:4).
– Love is patient, kind, not envious, boastful, rude, or insist on its own way (1 Corinthians 13:4-7). All reflections of its others-centered character.
– We are to edify others, not please ourselves (Romans 15:1-3). Use liberty in Christ to serve one another (Galatians 5:13). Bear others’ burdens (Galatians 6:2).
– The early Jerusalem church shared goods in common and gave to any with need (Acts 2:44-45, 4:32-35). Love meeting practical needs.
– Husbands must love wives as Christ loved the church (Ephesians 5:25). This is a sacrificial, servant love that gave Himself up for her.
– We love because God first loved us (1 John 4:19). Understanding His unselfish love compels us to love likewise.
So “love is not self-seeking” is thoroughly interwoven throughout the entirety of biblical teaching. It is impossible to fulfill the biblical commands to love God and neighbor while remaining self-centered. True agape love pours itself out for the interests and needs of others, as modeled by Christ Himself.
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Here are some more detailed points on what it looks like to walk in love that is not self-seeking:
– Self-seeking love is insecure, jealous, and possessive. Godly love trusts others and gives them freedom. It does not suspiciously demand to have its way (1 Corinthians 13:4).
– Selfish love is proud and self-exalting. Godly love humbly considers others more significant than self (Philippians 2:3). It is not puffed up but looks to build others up (1 Corinthians 13:4, 1 Corinthians 8:1).
– Self-centered love is rude, harsh, and easily angered when denied its way. Godly love is patient, kind, forgiving, and not irritable when wronged (1 Corinthians 13:4-5).
– Selfish love takes advantage of others. Godly love cares more about giving than receiving or being “owed” by others (Acts 20:35).
– Selfish love does helpful things with wrong motives and for personal gain. Godly love serves others out of genuine care for them (Philippians 2:3-4).
– Selfish love neglects responsibility when it interferes with personal desires. Godly love diligently attends to duties that benefit others (Colossians 3:23-24).
– Self-seeking love does not listen well or make time for others. Godly love listens attentively and makes the other person feel valued (James 1:19, Philippians 2:3-4).
– Selfish love is defensive and unable to admit fault. Godly love is able to accept correction, apologize, and grow in humility (Colossians 3:12-13).
– Selfish love judges the faults of others. Godly love is compassionate and forgiving (Matthew 7:1-5).
– Selfish love only gives conditional, reciprocal love. Godly love loves even its enemies (Luke 6:35).
– Selfish love envies the blessings of others. Godly love freely rejoices when others are honored (Romans 12:15).
– Selfish love makes personal comfort and convenience an idol. Godly love willingly sacrifices to serve others (2 Corinthians 12:15).
– Selfish love uses its money and assets primarily for itself. Godly love is generous in giving to the needs of others (Acts 20:35, 1 John 3:17-18).
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There are a number of key passages where Jesus and the New Testament writers touch on the meaning of “love is not self-seeking”:
– In Matthew 16:24 Jesus states, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me.” To truly follow Jesus, we must deny self-interest and live for Him.
– Jesus contrasts self-centered love with the sacrificial love He demonstrates, saying, “Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends” (John 15:13). His love was others-focused.
– The apostle Paul describes Jesus: “And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death—even death on a cross!” (Philippians 2:8). Christ’s love led Him to sacrifice.
– Jesus instructs His disciples, “If anyone wants to be first, he must be the very last, and the servant of all” (Mark 9:35). Followers of Christ are called to humble, selfless service of others.
– Jesus Christ “did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many” (Mark 10:45). The Son of Man Himself defined leadership as servanthood.
– In the parable of the good Samaritan Jesus highlights compassion for those in need as being more important than personal plans or comfort (Luke 10:25-37).
– “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:25). A husband’s love should reflect Christ’s sacrificial example.
– “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves” (Philippians 2:3). Christians are to humbly defer to others.
– The early believers “shared everything they had” and “there were no needy persons among them” because of their generosity (Acts 4:32-34). Their love was selfless.
– Paul gave up his right as an apostle to financial support so as not to hinder the gospel (1 Corinthians 9:12). He adapted to others’ needs.
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Here are some more examples and explanations of what it looks like in practice for love to “not seek its own”:
In marriage:
– A husband puts aside selfishness and shows care for his wife’s needs and desires. He may sacrifice personal hobbies or agendas to devote time to her.
– A wife honors her husband even when she disagrees with him. She does not insist on her rights but respects him (Ephesians 5:33).
– Both spouses seek to outdo one another in kindness, patience, and gracious speech. They prioritize the health of their marriage over personal convenience.
In friendships:
– Making time for a friend in need rather than always expecting them to fit your schedule. Adjusting your agenda to accommodate them.
– Listening to your friend’s concerns without interrupting. Not dominating the conversation with your experiences.
– Being generous in giving your time, energy, and resources to fulfill a friend’s request for help. Laying aside your plans.
At church:
– Serving in ministries that fit the church’s needs rather than demanding programs you personally prefer.
– Sacrificing personal music preferences during worship to sing songs that strengthen the corporate body.
– Investing time in discipleship relationships with new believers to help establish their faith.
In the community:
– Shopping with charity and compassion in mind. Being gracious and friendly to store clerks and food service workers.
– Thinking beyond your own family’s wellbeing to also look out for less fortunate neighbors who may have material needs.
– Donating time or resources to aid local ministries serving the poor and marginalized in your community.
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Here are more examples of what self-seeking behavior looks like in contrast to loving, selfless actions:
Self-Seeking Actions:
– Being upset when a friend cancels plans with you last minute even though they have a legitimate emergency.
– Talking excessively about yourself without showing interest in others. Dominating conversations.
– Being quick to correct others’ minor faults while ignoring your own flaws.
– Spending all your vacation time and money on lavish trips and personal pleasures while giving little to charity and ministry.
– Choosing a career path purely for maximum salary potential without considering how you can serve others.
– Living beyond your means in order to portray an impressive lifestyle before others.
– Looking down on church members from a different culture, social class, or ethnicity. Self-segregating.
– Leaving a small tip at restaurants or berating food servers for minor mistakes. Focusing only on your desires.
– Refusing to yield the “right of way” while driving. Dangerously forcing your way.
– Ignoring your spouse’s pleas for companionship while absorbed in your personal hobbies.
Selfless, Loving Actions:
– Putting aside personal plans to help a friend in need. Making their emergency your priority.
– Asking others questions about themselves. Truly listening without interjecting.
– Privately and humbly confronting a friend’s sin instead of publicly shaming. Seeking their growth.
– Working diligently at your job as “unto the Lord” knowing your work benefits others beyond a paycheck.
– Welcoming church members who are ethnically or socially different. Intentionally befriending them.
– Apologizing and asking forgiveness when you wrong someone. Remaining humble.
– Stopping to assist a random motorist in need while on your way to an appointment. Inconveniencing yourself to serve.
– Going out of your way to greet and have kind conversations with socially awkward acquaintances.
– Patiently enduring a fussy baby on an airline flight knowing the struggling parents around you. Grace under pressure.
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Biblical meditation on key verses related to “love is not self-seeking” can help internalize this truth:
Philippians 2:3-4
“Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.”
As believers, the example of Christ should prompt us to reject selfish ambition and humble ourselves in service of others. Esteeming their needs and interests as more important than our own.
John 13:1-5
“Jesus, knowing that the Father had given all things into his hands, and that he had come from God and was going back to God, rose from supper. He laid aside his outer garments, and taking a towel, tied it around his waist. Then he poured water into a basin and began to wash the disciples’ feet and to wipe them with the towel that was wrapped around him.”
The posture of Jesus, stripping Himself of His divine rights to kneel as a servant washing His disciples feet, is a powerful template for godly love and humility.
1 Corinthians 10:24
“Let no one seek his own good, but the good of his neighbor.”
This straightforward command summarizes it well. True love looks outward towards the needs around us rather than inward towards selfish gain.
Galatians 5:13
“For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another.”
Christian liberty is not about selfish indulgence but rather selflessly serving our spiritual brothers and sisters.
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In summary, the biblical teaching that “love is not self-seeking” provides an essential description of godly, agape love in action. This love follows the model of Jesus, who selflessly sacrificed Himself for others.
True Christian love humbly considers others more important than self. It sacrifices personal rights and agendas for the sake of others’ growth and care. It derives great joy in meeting the needs of others, not in selfish gain.
The loving person will be generous, gracious, kind, forgiving, patient, deferential, and sacrificial in all their relationships. They will pour out their lives to see others blessed.
While avoiding unhealthy self-neglect, followers of Christ joyfully heed love’s calling away from self-centeredness toward others-focused care. This is the love that fulfills God’s commandments to love. The love that emulates our Savior’s servant heart.
May God give Christians grace to walk in the true meaning of 1 Corinthians 13:5, loving not in word or speech but in deed and in truth. May our lives be characterized by agape love that seeks not its own but the eternal welfare of others.
