Emotional abuse is a pattern of behavior that harms another person emotionally or mentally. It can take many forms, including verbal abuse, intimidation, manipulation, and isolation. Though emotional abuse does not leave visible scars, it can be just as damaging as physical abuse. The Bible has much to say about how we should treat others, condemning abusive behavior and commanding us to love one another.
Verbal Abuse
Verbal abuse involves using words to hurt or control someone. This includes insults, name-calling, yelling, threats, and unfair comparisons. Scripture instructs us to build others up with our speech rather than tear them down:
“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” (Ephesians 4:29)
We are also commanded not to revile or insult others:
“Do not revile God nor curse a ruler of your people.” (Exodus 22:28)
“With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be.” (James 3:9-10)
Intimidation
Intimidation involves inducing fear in someone in order to control them. Tactics can include threats, destruction of property, displays of anger, and exploiting vulnerabilities. The Bible condemns such fear-based manipulation:
“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.” (1 John 4:18)
“For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.” (2 Timothy 1:7)
As Christians, we are called to love others, not intimidate them:
“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.” (1 John 4:18)
Isolation
Abusers may try to cut off their victims from friends and family in order to increase dependence. However, God created us for community and connection. Isolating someone is unloving and dangerous:
“And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.” (Hebrews 10:24-25)
Abusers may claim jealousy as a reason for isolation, but godly love does not isolate or restrict:
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.” (1 Corinthians 13:4)
Manipulation and Control
At the core of emotional abuse is a desire to wield power and control over another human being. Scripture teaches that attempting to dominate others is sinful:
“Live as people who are free, not using your freedom as a cover-up for evil, but living as servants of God.” (1 Peter 2:16)
“It shall not be so among you. But whoever would be great among you must be your servant.” (Matthew 20:26)
We are called to give freely without expecting anything in return:
“Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.” (Luke 6:38)
Effects of Emotional Abuse
Prolonged emotional abuse can severely damage a person’s sense of self-worth and trust in others. However, Scripture reminds victims that they are loved and valued by God:
“Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine.” (Isaiah 43:1)
“I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” (Psalm 139:14)
Healing is available through Christ:
“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.” (2 Corinthians 1:3-4)
How to Respond to Emotional Abuse
If you are being emotionally abused, speak up. Express clearly that the behavior is unacceptable. Consider seeking help from trusted friends, family, church leaders, or professionals. Protect yourself and any vulnerable children or family members. You may need to distance yourself from the abuser. Forgiveness is possible, but reconciliation should only be considered if the abuser takes full responsibility and stops the abusive behavior permanently:
“If your brother or sister sins against you, rebuke them; and if they repent, forgive them.” (Luke 17:3)
If you have been emotionally abusive, sincerely repent. Stop all hurtful behaviors immediately. Seek professional help. You may need to give your victim space as they heal. Change is possible with God’s help:
“Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts.” (Colossians 3:16)
Supporting Victims of Emotional Abuse
If someone you know is being emotionally abused, believe them. Let them know the abuse is not their fault. Help them find safe ways to escape the situation, if needed. Encourage them, pray for them, and remind them of Christ’s love and hope:
“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ…who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.” (2 Corinthians 1:3-4)
Preventing Emotional Abuse
We can help prevent emotional abuse by modeling healthy relationships built on mutual love, respect and service:
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.” (1 Corinthians 13:4)
“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.” (Philippians 2:3-4)
Choose words that build up rather than tear down. Value each person as precious in God’s sight. Lead with gentleness and compassion as Jesus did.
Conclusion
Emotional abuse deeply wounds people made in God’s image. Scripture condemns such cruelty and calls us to love one another well. Christians should lead the way in preventing emotional abuse, supporting victims, and helping abusers change through God’s power. With Christ’s help, we can break destructive cycles and build healthy relationships that honor Him.
