The issue of spousal or marital rape is a sensitive and complex one that is not directly addressed in the Bible. However, there are principles and passages in Scripture that can provide wisdom and insight into this topic.
Marriage as an intimate, loving union
The Bible presents marriage as an intimate, loving union between a husband and wife. Marriage is meant to reflect the relationship between Christ and the church (Ephesians 5:32). It involves a “one flesh” bond (Genesis 2:24) that unites two people spiritually, emotionally, and physically.
This understanding of marriage implies mutual love, respect, care, and self-giving between spouses. Force or coercion seems contrary to the kind of union that God intends for marriage.
The marriage bed should be kept pure
The writer of Hebrews declares, “Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled” (Hebrews 13:4 ESV). This implies that sexual relations within marriage should be kept pure.
While the Bible does not provide details on what this means, purity seems to imply care and respect between spouses rather than actions that could be abusive or unloving.
Husbands are called to sacrificial love
Husbands are instructed, “love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:25 ESV). The love that a husband is called to show his wife is compared to Jesus willingly sacrificing himself for the church.
Such sacrificial love would not condone forcing oneself on one’s wife or insisting on sex when she is unwilling or unready. Rather, it requires caring more about her needs than one’s own desires.
Wives have authority over their husband’s body
The Apostle Paul writes that a wife has authority over her husband’s body, just as he has authority over hers (1 Corinthians 7:4). This mutuality implies that neither spouse should demand sex without regard for the other.
Rather, both husband and wife are called to give themselves willingly to each other out of love and sacrifice, not coercion or entitlement.
We are to avoid sexual immorality
The Bible strongly warns against sexual immorality, which would include forced sexual acts (1 Thessalonians 4:3-5). Forcing oneself on a spouse could be considered a form of sexual immorality.
Believers are called to avoid all hints of sexual immorality and to treat one another with sexual purity and honor (1 Thessalonians 4:4-6).
Do not mistreat or exploit others
God’s Word prohibits mistreating or exploiting other human beings. Exodus 21:20 condemns forcing a slave to do anything. Forcing a spouse into unwanted sex could be seen as exploitation and mistreatment.
Scripture calls Christians to look out for the good of others (Philippians 2:4). Any actions that harm one’s spouse violate biblical principles of love.
Principles on consent and victimization
Though the Bible does not provide direct teaching about consent, it gives principles that imply the importance of consent – voluntarily yielding to what is good and right (James 4:7). It also protects victims from being blamed for rape (Deuteronomy 22:25-27).
These principles suggest that forcing one’s spouse to have sex against her consent is unacceptable and the victim bears no blame.
Human life and bodies are to be honored
Scripture teaches that human life and human bodies have inherent dignity as God’s creations (Genesis 1:26-27, 9:6). They are not to be mistreated or exploited.
Forced sex could be seen as a form of mistreatment and failure to honor one’s spouse and their body.
Considerations and cautions
There are complex considerations related to marital rape that warrant caution and wisdom in applying biblical principles:
- Cultural differences regarding marital roles and expectations.
- The importance of mutual love, service, and sacrifice in marriage.
- The danger of false accusations or unilateral withholding of sex in marriage.
- The need for repentance, forgiveness, pastoral counsel, and rehabilitation in certain situations.
In summary, while the Bible does not directly address spousal rape, there are relevant principles that suggest it has no place in a Christian marriage based on mutual love, sacrifice and service.
Yet godly wisdom, discernment and pastoral guidance are needed to evaluate specific cases in a fallen world and to nurture repentance, forgiveness, and restoration in marriages.
Old Testament passages on rape
There are a few Old Testament passages that deal with rape in ancient Israelite society:
- Deuteronomy 22:25-27 – Places the responsibility and punishment on the rapist, not the victim.
- 2 Samuel 13:1-22 – Records the rape of Tamar by her half-brother Amnon. This is portrayed as a grievous sin.
- Zechariah 14:2 – Foretells how women will be raped by enemy soldiers as a judgment.
These passages depict rape as a grave sin and crime. The victim is never blamed or punished. This aligns with principles against sexual exploitation.
However, these cases involve rape by non-spouses. They do not directly address rape between a husband and wife.
New Testament teachings on love, sacrifice and serving others
While not specifically addressing marital rape, the New Testament contains many exhortations that suggest such actions would be unacceptable within a Christian marriage:
- Husbands should love their wives as Christ loved the church (Ephesians 5:25).
- Love does no harm to its neighbor, so love is the fulfillment of the law (Romans 13:10).
- No one ever hates his own body but nourishes and cherishes it (Ephesians 5:29).
- We are to consider others as more important than ourselves (Philippians 2:3).
- Love is patient, kind, not self-seeking (1 Corinthians 13:4-5).
The guiding principles of sacrificial love, nurturing care, humility, patience, and cherishing one’s spouse seem contrary to ignoring consent or inflicting harm through rape.
Wisdom and discernment are needed
Marital rape involves complex relationship dynamics. Prayerful wisdom, biblical knowledge, professional counsel, and church guidance are often needed to evaluate specific cases justly.
The Bible gives governing principles but does not address every situation directly. Prudence and discernment are required to apply biblical values to real-world problems.
The role of the church
Churches have an important role to play in preventing and responding to marital rape:
- Clearly teaching biblical principles of mutual love, consent and self-sacrifice in marriage.
- Providing counsel and support to couples struggling in this area.
- Protecting victims from harm or injustice.
- Promoting repentance and rehabilitation for perpetrators.
- Avoiding victim-blaming mentalities.
- Cooperating with civil authorities as appropriate.
Churches must minister with truth and grace, calling all parties to repentance and restoration in Jesus Christ.
Restoration through the gospel
Where marital rape has occurred, God’s design is reconciliation and restoration between spouses when there is genuine repentance and forgiveness (2 Corinthians 5:18-19).
Through Christ, brokenness can be healed and unity rebuilt in marriages (Ephesians 2:14-16). This requires great humility, courage and strength from the Holy Spirit.
With pastoral care and counsel, God can transform hearts and relationships. But wisdom and sometimes separation may be needed to protect a victim from further harm.
Conclusion
Marital rape involves many complex factors and relationship dynamics. While the Bible does not directly address it, there are biblical principles that suggest forcing sex in marriage is contrary to God’s design.
Churches have a responsibility to clearly teach consent, honor, and self-sacrifice in marriages and to minister healing where there is brokenness. With humility, wisdom and care, God’s reconciling love can restore relationships fractured by sin.
