Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse where the abuser manipulates situations to make the victim question their own reality, memory or perceptions. The term originated from a 1938 play called Gas Light, where a husband tries to make his wife believe she is going insane by dimming the gaslights and then denying it.
The Bible does not directly mention the term “gaslighting,” as it is a modern psychological concept. However, there are several instances in Scripture that could be considered gaslighting techniques and warnings against using deception and manipulation against others.
Examples of gaslighting behaviors
One example is in the book of Genesis, where the serpent uses misleading questions to sow doubt in Eve’s mind and contradict what God had told her (Genesis 3:1-5). The serpent implies that God is keeping something good from Eve, causing her to doubt God’s motives and commands.
Another instance is when Abraham tried to pass off his wife Sarah as his sister to King Abimelech, putting her in a vulnerable position (Genesis 20:1-7). When confronted, Abraham makes excuses and attempts to make Abimelech feel guilty.
In 2 Samuel 15, Absalom spreads lies and exaggerations to turn people against his father King David in an attempt to steal his throne. This is a clear effort to manipulate public perception and obscure the truth.
The book of Jeremiah contains several examples of false prophets contradicting the words of Jeremiah, trying to make the people doubt the authenticity of Jeremiah’s prophecies from God (Jeremiah 28). They use convincing lies and false assurances of peace to create confusion.
Biblical warnings against deception
The Bible consistently categorizes deception, falsehood and manipulation as sinful behaviors throughout Scripture:
“A false witness will not go unpunished, and he who breathes out lies will perish.” (Proverbs 19:9)
“A false witness will not go unpunished, and he who pours out lies will not go free.” (Proverbs 19:5)
“No one who practices deceit shall dwell in my house; no one who utters lies shall continue before my eyes.” (Psalm 101:7)
Jesus spoke against deceit and hypocrisy, comparing the religious Pharisees to “whitewashed tombs” that look clean on the outside but are full of dead men’s bones inside (Matthew 23:27). He valued honesty, integrity and speaking truth.
The book of Colossians instructs believers to “put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience, bearing with one another and forgiving each other… beyond all these put on love, which is the perfect bond of unity.” (Colossians 3:12-14). Manipulating and deceiving others is the opposite of loving them.
How the Bible instructs us to respond
As victims of gaslighting and falsehood, the Bible gives us guidance:
1. Evaluate teaching and prophecies against Scripture:
“Test all things; hold fast what is good.” (1 Thessalonians 5:21)
“They received the word with all readiness, and searched the Scriptures daily to find out whether these things were so.” (Acts 17:11)
2. Pray for discernment:
“If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind.” (James 1:5-6)
3. Avoid deception by walking in truth:
“I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth.” (3 John 1:4)
“Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap.” (Galatians 6:7)
4. Gently confront and speak the truth in love:
“Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ” (Ephesians 4:15)
“Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them.” (Ephesians 5:11)
“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother.” (Matthew 18:15)
5. Trust in God’s faithfulness over man’s lies:
“God is not man, that he should lie, or a son of man, that he should change his mind.” (Numbers 23:19)
“The one who calls you is faithful, and he will do it.” (1 Thessalonians 5:24)
In summary, the Bible clearly speaks against deception, falsehood and manipulation tactics. As Christians, we are called to speak truth, reject lies and put our trust in God’s steadfast faithfulness. The Holy Spirit gives us discernment to recognize and resist gaslighting attempts. With prayer, wisdom and loving confrontation, we can walk in freedom and confidence in our identity in Christ.
Biblical principles against gaslighting
Though the term “gaslighting” is modern, the Bible speaks extensively against similar tactics of deception and distortion. Here are some key biblical principles that go against gaslighting behaviors:
1. Honesty and integrity are Christian virtues:
“The Lord detests lying lips, but he delights in people who are trustworthy.” (Proverbs 12:22)
“Speak the truth to one another.” (Zechariah 8:16)
2. Manipulation is ungodly:
“The Lord hates…a lying tongue and hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked schemes, feet that are quick to rush into evil.” (Proverbs 6:16-18)
3. We are called to speak truthfully:
“Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor.” (Ephesians 4:25)
4. Our words and speech matter:
“Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up.” (Ephesians 4:29)
5. Lies lead to harm and devastation:
“A lying tongue is but for a moment; deception brings lasting shame and regret.” (Proverbs 12:19)
6. Do not bear false witness against your neighbor:
“You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.” (Exodus 20:16)
7. God desires us to be aligned with truth:
“If we say we have fellowship with him while we walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth.” (1 John 1:6)
8. Truth sets us free from deception:
“You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” (John 8:32)
How to identify gaslighting
Gaslighting can be difficult to recognize, especially when the perpetrator is someone close. Here are some warning signs and patterns from a biblical perspective:
– They make you question your own memory, perception, or sanity
– They deny saying or doing something that you clearly remember
– They trivialize your thoughts, feelings, experiences
– They suggest you’re too sensitive, crazy, defensive, forgetful
– They reframe reality to suit their narrative
– They undermine your confidence in your discernment
– They isolate you from external sources that reinforce truth
– They manipulate using partial truths and deceit
– They act concerned and authoritative to confuse you
– They project their own flaws onto you
– They sow seeds of doubt regarding your abilities and competency
– They make contradictory statements and arguments
– They blame you for things that aren’t true
– They provoke you and use reactions against you
– They try to align others against you
Effects of gaslighting
Being subjected to continual gaslighting tactics can result in:
– Feeling confused, disoriented about reality
– Doubting yourself and your perceptions
– Becoming hypervigilant, anxious
– Feeling overly emotional, sensitive, paranoid
– Apologizing for things you didn’t do
– Justifying their false version of reality
– Isolating yourself, withdrawing socially
– Blaming yourself for issues you didn’t cause
– Dependency on the gaslighter for validation
– Loss of confidence, self-esteem
– Depression, mood changes, overall instability
– Tolerating unacceptable behaviors and abuse
Prolonged gaslighting emotional abuse can cause mental health issues if the victim starts accepting false realities that go against their morals, intuition and values.
Why gaslighters use these tactics
Abusers gaslight for various reasons:
– Create power imbalance where they control reality
– Evoke sympathy and admiration from the victim
– Conceal lies, wrongdoings, addictions, and flaws
– Escape accountability for misdeeds and abuse
– Make the victim emotionally unstable and dependent
– Isolate the victim from outside support systems
– Project their own insecurities and self-loathing
– View relationships as power struggles to win
– Lack empathy, conscience and integrity
At the core, gaslighting allows abusers to rewrite the narrative about their behaviors and avoid responsibility. It helps them justify their actions by distorting the victim’s perspective of truth. Their tactics stem from a place of entitlement, arrogance, hostility and contempt.
Overcoming gaslighting using biblical principles
If you experience patterns of deception and gaslighting, here are some biblical ways to respond:
– Pray for discernment and wisdom (James 1:5)
– Test their claims against scriptural truths (Acts 17:11)
– Create mental and emotional distance from their influence
– Limit time with them to reduce impact
– Journal their behaviors to document the patterns
– Reach out to trusted friends and mentors for support
– Speak truth with courage and love (Ephesians 4:15)
– Confront them gently with specific examples
– Set and enforce healthy boundaries if needed
– Focus on your identity in Christ for confidence (Romans 8:1)
– Release expectations of validation from the gaslighter
– Limit reaction and refuse to internalize blame
– Receive counseling for healing if trauma occurred
While challenging, establishing and upholding realities that align with biblical truth can help overcome gaslighting tactics, especially with prayer, community support and godly discernment.
Healing from emotional abuse
The pain caused by gaslighting often requires active healing. Along with counseling, Christian practices can help:
– Ask God to reveal lies you’ve accepted to replace with His truths
– Release bitterness, anger and desire for vengeance (Hebrews 12:15)
– Receive comfort from God’s Word and His compassion (Psalm 119:76)
– Forgive those who have hurt you, even if they don’t ask for forgiveness (Matthew 6:15)
– Pray deliverance prayers renouncing false realities (2 Corinthians 10:5)
– Allow yourself to grieve losses and betrayals through journaling, art, music or community support (Psalms 42:11)
– Give your pain to Jesus; let Him carry your burdens (Psalm 55:22)
– Seek professional counseling with a Christian counselor (Proverbs 11:14)
– Find support groups for recovery from emotional abuse and trauma
– Embrace positive affirmations of God’s truths about you (Philippians 4:8)
– Commit to patterns of honesty, integrity and vulnerability in relationships (Ephesians 4:25)
– Extend grace, patience and gentleness to yourself (Colossians 3:12)
With God’s help and biblical truths as your foundation, you can walk forward from gaslighting into His freedom, purpose and identity.
Preventing gaslighting in relationships and church communities
Gaslighting and other emotional abuse tend to thrive in environments of secrecy, manipulation, pride and lack of accountability. Here are some biblical principles for prevention:
– Hold leaders to high standards of integrity and truth (1 Timothy 3:1-13)
– Correct false teachers with wisdom and grace (2 Timothy 2:24-26)
– Avoid flattery and only give honor where due (Psalm 12:2-3)
– Confront sin appropriately and keep matters private unless irreparable harm requires public warning (Matthew 18:15-17)
– Assume the best about others’ motives until facts reveal otherwise (1 Corinthians 13:7)
– Set an example of humility and honesty by admitting your own failures and limitations (Ephesians 5:21, James 5:16)
– Make important decisions and appointments with input from others (Proverbs 15:22)
– Carefully evaluate signs of pathological behavior: obsession, fear of losing control, blaming, belittling, pridefulness (Psalm 101:5)
– Avoid showing favoritism and preferential treatment (James 2:9)
– Encourage whistleblowing on issues that compromise truth and ethics
– Develop a culture that values transparency, vulnerability and accountability (Ephesians 5:8-14)
The body of Christ should be a place where darkness is exposed by light, not concealed by deception (Ephesians 5:11, Matthew 10:26). With awareness and courage, we can prevent distorted realities from corrupting our communities.
Providing support for gaslighting victims
If someone confides in you about gaslighting, here are some tips for support:
– Affirm that their feelings and experiences are real, despite what the abuser claims
– Avoid condemning them or criticizing their responses
– Suggest keeping a log of words/actions to uncover patterns
– Encourage them to limit time with the gaslighter when possible
– Offer to be a sounding board when they feel confused or crazy
– Remind them of their positive qualities and capabilities
– Discourage self-blame; the issues stem from the gaslighter
– Help identify triggers where they feel most disoriented
– Check in regularly even if they seem stable
– Recommend counseling with someone experienced in emotional abuse trauma
– Don’t force reconciliation with the gaslighter prematurely
– Pray with them for wisdom, clarity and healing
– Avoid recommending quick fixes; recovery takes time
– Ask how you can support without fostering dependency
– Continue affirming reality and truth against the distortions
With patient unconditional love, you can be an anchor to ground them in hope until the fog of lies lifts into the clarity of God’s light.
Conclusion and Summary
In summary, gaslighting goes against biblical principles of honesty, integrity and love for others. Examples of manipulative tactics exist even in Scripture, alongside commands to rebuke deception and speak truth. As Christ’s followers, we must identify gaslighting behaviors in our relationships and communities and respond with wisdom, courage and grace. While painful, healing and prevention are possible through prayer, godly counsel, and walking in biblical truth. By relying on God rather than human understanding, we can reject false realities and walk confidently in our identity and calling in Jesus Christ.
