Dating and finding a life partner is one of the most important decisions a person can make. Yet with so many options and perspectives on relationships today, it can be overwhelming trying to decide who to date or pursue a relationship with. As Christians, we know that God cares deeply about every part of our lives, including our romantic relationships. The Bible offers guidance, wisdom and perspective for navigating this area of life in a way that honors God.
Here are some biblical principles to keep in mind when trying to decide who to date:
Seek God’s Will First
We should make seeking and following God’s will our highest priority, even above our own desires and preferences in a relationship (Matthew 6:33). Pray for God to clearly show you His will and give you discernment about potential dating relationships. Be patient for His timing and direction.
“Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him and he will act.” (Psalm 37:5)
Consider Christian Character
A person’s character, values and spiritual maturity are far more important than appearance, chemistry or emotions. Look for evidence of godly character and growth in the other person (1 Samuel 16:7). Avoid those who claim to be Christian but do not demonstrate the fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23).
“Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?” (2 Corinthians 6:14)
Seek Compatibility in Core Areas
Being united in faith and spiritual commitment is essential. But also consider compatibility in other core areas like life vision, personalities, conflict resolution style, values, interests and energy levels. Differences are not necessarily wrong, but too much incompatibility leads to frustration and disconnect in relationships.
“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up.” (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10)
Move at a Healthy Pace
Rushing into romantic intensity too quickly can cloud your objectivity and discernment. Date for an extended period of time and discuss major life issues before committing to long-term relationship. Be wary of any pressure to commit quickly from another person.
“The prudent see danger and take refuge, but the simple keep going and pay the penalty.” (Proverbs 27:12)
Guard Your Heart
Until you are sure this is God’s choice for marriage, protect your emotions and do not become physically intimate. Keep your eyes more focused on wise living than on passionate romance. Break things off if red flags appear.
“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” (Proverbs 4:23)
Look for Mutual Service and Honor
A relationship should be focused on mutual love, service, sacrifice and giving what is best for the other person. Be cautious of anyone self-focused on getting their own needs met by you.
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.” (1 Corinthians 13:4)
Seek Confirmation from Others
Ask those who know you both well what they discern about the relationship – especially parents and wise, godly friends. Listen humbly to their perspective and counsel.
“For lack of guidance a nation falls, but victory is won through many advisers.” (Proverbs 11:14)
Align with Biblical Roles
God designed men and women with distinct but complementary roles and purposes in relationships that, when lived out, lead to thriving (Ephesians 5:22-33). Seek alignment not necessarily equality.
“Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. The husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church.” (Ephesians 5:22-23)
Do Not Be Yoked with Unbelievers
It is unwise to pursue a relationship with someone who does not share your Christian faith and commitment to following Jesus. You will have less unity, face more problems, and risk compromising your beliefs.
“Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common?” (2 Corinthians 6:14)
Exercise Sexual Self-control
Dating relationships should uphold God’s design and boundaries for sexuality – keeping intimate physical connection exclusive for marriage. Flee from sexual immorality.
“Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body.” (1 Corinthians 6:18)
Develop Spiritual Intimacy First
The foundational connection in a relationship should be spiritual intimacy – a shared passion for loving God, reading Scripture, prayer, fellowship, and serving others. Start here.
“If two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone?” (Ecclesiastes 4:11)
Do Not Depend on Feelings Alone
Our fluctuating emotions and feelings alone are not a good basis for deciding whom to date or marry. Seek wisdom from Scripture, godly counsel, and careful evaluation of compatibility and fruit.
“Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.” (Proverbs 31:30)
Be Equally Yoked
It is vitally important for believers to only be in committed relationships with other believers. Do not become unequally yoked with someone who does not share your devout Christian faith.
“Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common?” (2 Corinthians 6:14)
Evaluate Fruit in Their Life
Look beyond words to how they live. Is their life characterized by the fruit of the spirit – love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control? (Galatians 5:22-23)
“No good tree bears bad fruit, nor does a bad tree bear good fruit.” (Luke 6:43)
Let Go of Past Relationships
Carrying baggage and wounds from previous relationships can impair your discernment and objectivity. Give yourself time to heal, forgive and grow before dating again. Seek counsel if needed.
“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing!” (Isaiah 43:18-19)
Date Your Potential Spouse
Enter dating with serious intentionality, looking for the character qualities you want in a future spouse. Do not simply date for fun or temporary companionship. Date wisely.
“He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord.” (Proverbs 18:22)
Develop Godly Marriage Expectations
Marriage involves sacrifice, service, compromise, and offering grace during trials and imperfections. Expecting a “happily ever after” fairy tale will lead to disappointment. Focus on developing a healthy, grounded marriage.
“A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” (Ecclesiastes 4:12b)
Remember that God is Sovereign
God often has a specific person in mind for you to marry. Trust His sovereign plan as you seek His wisdom and will about whom to date. Submit your own desires to His lordship.
“In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps.” (Proverbs 16:9)
In summary, as you navigate dating relationships and the significant decision of whom you should pursue marriage with, make your relationship with God your first priority. Seek His wisdom, study Scripture, and surround yourself with godly community. Evaluate character and spiritual maturity over other attributes that will fade. Trust God’s timing and sovereign plan, even when it is difficult. Approach dating in a purposeful, faithful manner that honors the Lord.
