Having a difficult relationship with a mother-in-law can be a significant source of conflict for many families. As Christians, how can we handle these challenges in a godly manner? The Bible provides wisdom and guidance on relating well to family members, even when tensions run high.
One key principle is to treat our in-laws with love and respect, even when it’s challenging. The Bible calls us to “be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another” (Romans 12:10). This applies to all our family relationships, including in-laws. We are to “love one another” as Christ loved us (John 13:34).
Practically, this means making an effort to build a positive relationship, listening well, and looking for the good in them. We can ask God for eyes to see our in-laws as He sees them – as people created in His image and loved by Him. We can pray for them regularly and be patient and forgiving when offenses come, “bearing with one another in love” (Ephesians 4:2).
Maintaining healthy boundaries with in-laws is also wise. Genesis 2:24 says “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife.” There needs to be a shift as we establish our own new family unit. Avoid getting entangled in constant conflict. Set some ground rules together with your spouse for how often you’ll visit, what is discussed, etc. Be respectful but don’t become enmeshed.
Husbands have a responsibility to honor their wives and not allow interference from their mother. The Bible instructs “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife” (Mark 10:7). Wives also must be careful not to speak negatively about their husband’s family. “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths” (Ephesians 4:29).
When tensions arise, follow the Biblical model of addressing issues directly, but gently. “Speak the truth in love” (Ephesians 4:15). Bring up concerns politely and at an appropriate time. Don’t gossip or complain to others. Seek counsel from your spouse, a pastor, or mentor if needed. But avoid harboring bitterness. “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger” (Ephesians 4:31).
Ultimately, we are called to trust God with these relationships, releasing desires for change and praying for grace. “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you” (1 Peter 5:7). God is able to work powerfully, softening hearts and bringing reconciliation in His timing (Proverbs 21:1). As we humbly walk with Him, He will give wisdom for navigating these sensitive family dynamics.
Here are some additional tips for dealing with a difficult mother-in-law as a Christian:
- Be slow to take offense – “Love keeps no record of wrongs” (1 Corinthians 13:5)
- Let go of control – “Humble yourselves under God’s mighty hand” (1 Peter 5:6)
- Watch your tongue – “Those who guard their mouths…keep themselves from calamity” (Proverbs 21:23)
- Kill her with kindness – “Overcome evil with good” (Romans 12:21)
- Set boundaries when needed – “There is…a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing” (Ecclesiastes 3:5)
- Don’t gossip or triangulate – “Do not go about spreading slander” (Proverbs 20:19)
- Seek guidance from godly counsel – “Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed” (Proverbs 15:22)
- Pray for her – “Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you” (Matthew 5:44)
- Focus on your own behavior – “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust…and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?” (Matthew 7:3)
- Extend forgiveness – “Forgive as the Lord forgave you” (Colossians 3:13)
In summary, difficult mother-in-law relationships are very common. As Christians, we are called to relate with grace, wisdom, humility, and patience even when tensions arise. This honors God and can be a powerful witness. By setting healthy boundaries, avoiding gossip, and praying for change, we can trust God to work over time. With His help we can break destructive cycles and build unity in our families for His glory.
Here are some additional Bible verses on relating well with family:
“Make every effort to live in peace with everyone and to be holy” (Hebrews 12:14)
“If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone” (Romans 12:18)
“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves” (Philippians 2:3)
“Forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another” (Colossians 3:13)
“Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins” (1 Peter 4:8)
“Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone” (Romans 12:17)
“Nobody should seek their own good, but the good of others” (1 Corinthians 10:24)
“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Proverbs 15:1)
“Dear friend, I pray that you may enjoy good health and that all may go well with you, even as your soul is getting along well” (3 John 1:2)
“Therefore encourage one another and build each other up” (1 Thessalonians 5:11)
“Finally, all of you, be like-minded, be sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate and humble” (1 Peter 3:8)
“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs” (Ephesians 4:29)
“And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity” (Colossians 3:14)
In difficult relationships, we must remember that God’s power can change any heart. With prayer, humility and wisdom, we can trust Him to bring reconciliation in His perfect timing.
Marriage counselors and family therapists offer additional practical tips for managing tensions with in-laws:
- Discuss expectations and boundaries with your spouse
- Allow your spouse to handle their own parents
- Don’t take comments too personally
- Stay calm in tense moments
- Focus on the long-term relationship
- Consider family counseling if needed
- Seek support from friends and your church community
- Make efforts to find common ground
- Show appreciation for small acts of kindness
- Refrain from hurtful social media posts
With prayer, godly wisdom, and Biblical truth, even the most strained family relationships can experience healing and restoration. God cares deeply about our families and wants to see reconciliation and unity.
In conclusion, as Christians dealing with a difficult mother-in-law relationship, we must lean on God’s strength and wisdom. The Bible provides guidance to treat them with respect, set healthy boundaries, avoid gossip, pray for change, and trust God to soften hearts in His timing. With humility, patience and grace, we can honor Christ even when tensions run high. Our living example of love can be a powerful witness, and reminds us of God’s deep love for all His children.