Does the Bible say anything about making a second marriage a success?
Introduction
Getting remarried can be a complicated and difficult process, especially for Christians who want to honor God in their relationships. For those who have lost a spouse through divorce or death and are seeking to marry again, questions naturally arise about what the Bible says concerning remarriage. Is it permitted? What issues should be considered? How can a second marriage be successful in the eyes of God?
While the Bible does not give direct commands about remarriage in every situation, there are principles and examples that can guide believers in making decisions about pursuing a second marriage. By submitting to God’s wisdom and design for marriage, asking for his blessing, protecting the marriage covenant, seeking compatibility and counsel, repenting of past mistakes, extending grace, and relying on Christ, Christians can know God’s peace in their decision to remarry and his help in making the second marriage strong and lasting.
The Permanence of Marriage
Several passages in both the Old and New Testament reveal that God’s intention for marriage relationships is lifelong permanence and fidelity. Genesis 2:24 states that “a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” Jesus adds to this in Matthew 19:6, saying, “So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” Though divorce was permitted under the Law of Moses because of hard hearts, it was not so from the beginning (Matthew 19:8). Ideally, there would be no divorce or death to separate a married couple.
This principle of permanence leads many to question whether remarriage after the dissolution of a first marriage is biblically permitted. The testimony of Scripture on this question is complex, and scholars have held differing views throughout church history about the circumstances in which remarriage is allowed. Those who remarry should thoughtfully and humbly consider biblical teaching on marriage’s permanence, seeking wisdom from the Spirit rather than legalistically trying to determine a “right” answer about their specific situation.
Marriage after Death of Spouse
When it comes to remarriage after the death of a spouse, there is more biblical consensus on the freedom to remarry than in situations involving divorce. In Romans 7:2-3, Paul teaches that death ends the marriage bond, writing “For a married woman is bound by law to her husband while he lives, but if her husband dies she is released from the law of marriage. Accordingly, she will be called an adulteress if she lives with another man while her husband is alive. But if her husband dies, she is free from that law, and if she marries another man she is not an adulteress.” God makes provision for the surviving spouse to remarry and requires sexual faithfulness only as long as both partners are living.
This principle is illustrated through God’s instructions to widows in the Old Testament. Deuteronomy 25:5 says “If brothers dwell together, and one of them dies and has no son, the wife of the dead man shall not be married outside the family to a stranger. Her husband’s brother shall go in to her and take her as his wife and perform the duty of a husband’s brother to her.” Though the primary intent of this practice, called levirate marriage, was to preserve family lineage, it demonstrates that Hebrew widows were free to marry again. Examples like Abigail becoming David’s wife after her husband Nabal died (1 Samuel 25:39-42) provide further evidence of the acceptability of remarriage after spousal loss.
Seeking God’s Will
As the above passages indicate, Scripture allows for remarriage after one’s spouse dies. However, the Bible does not command it; God graciously leaves room for individuals to choose singleness or marriage again based on their situation and conviction. Paul highlights this freedom in 1 Corinthians 7 when he writes, “A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord” (1 Corinthians 7:39). Here, Paul qualifies remarriage after death, admonishing believers to marry only fellow Christians. His counsel fits with other commands against being “unequally yoked” (2 Corinthians 6:14). Seeking God’s will about pursuing a second marriage requires prayerful wisdom in each circumstance, considering factors like one’s age, family situation, and spiritual maturity.
Marriage after Divorce
The subject of remarriage after divorce sparks much more debate than remarriage after death of a spouse. This is likely due to Jesus’ clear teaching on the issue in Matthew 5:31-32, where he says, “It was also said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’ But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.” Jesus thus indicates that remarriage after an illegitimate divorce still constitutes adultery because God does not recognize the dissolution of such divorces. This teaching is reaffirmed in Luke 16:18, Romans 7:2-3, and other passages.
The UK evangelical group The Gospel Partnership summarizes the implications of these texts: “The only legitimate ground for divorce and remarriage, according to these texts, is porneia – a word for serious sexual sin such as adultery, incest, etc. When divorce happens on biblically legitimate grounds, the ‘one-flesh’ union has already been broken by the serious sexual sin of one partner. In this situation, the innocent party is free to re-marry, for they are not ‘one flesh’ with their former partner any more.”
This view is held by many evangelical Christians, though some would also allow divorce in cases of abandonment or abuse. Others argue Scripture permits remarriage after any legitimate divorce, though this tends to rely more on historical context than textual exegesis. As with all biblical interpretation, humility, prayer, and seeking the Spirit’s wisdom are needed. Christians wanting to remarry after divorce would be wise to thoroughly study the topic, seek counsel, and evaluate motives in light of God’s heart for marriage.
Unequally Yoked Marriages
One additional consideration around pursuing a second marriage relates to becoming unequally yoked to a non-Christian spouse. Passages like 2 Corinthians 6:14 clearly prohibit this, giving the command “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers.” If a Christian’s potential spouse is not a believer, remarriage to that person would violate biblical teaching. This precludes the possibility of being “joined together” by God, who blesses the union of believer with believer.
Of course, one’s first spouse may not have been a Christian either at the time of marriage. Becoming a Christian after already marrying an unbeliever does not obligate the believer to initiate divorce; Paul cautions against this in 1 Corinthians 7:12-13. However, pursuing an additional unequally yoked marriage after conversion ignores the scriptural warning against such relationships. Christians seeking remarriage should ensure the person they marry shares their faith.
Protecting the Marriage Covenant
In addition to carefully considering biblical teaching on divorce and remarriage, those pursuing a second marriage should take steps to protect the sanctity and permanence of the new marriage covenant. God’s intention is for husband and wife to reflect the steadfast love between Christ and the church; honoring marriage vows brings God glory. Several principles can help safeguard remarriages and make them successful in God’s eyes:
– Make Christ the center. A couple’s shared commitment to following Jesus should be central in their relationship. Regular prayer, bible study, and worship together point spouses towards relying on God rather than their fickle human feelings.
– Seek pre-marital counseling. Talking through issues like expectations, family backgrounds, communication styles, finances, and intimacy before getting married can surface potential conflicts and establish healthy patterns.
– Be wary of rebounding. Entering a second marriage too quickly after the dissolution of a first rarely ends well. Time to grieve, heal, and grow as an individual helps ensure the next marriage is founded on spiritual and emotional maturity rather than just a desire to be married.
– Merge carefully. Blending families with children from previous marriages brings unique challenges. Patience, communicating lovingly, establishing boundaries, allowing grief, and seeking counseling help navigate these issues.
– Hold loosely. Because no spouse is perfect, releasing unrealistic expectations prevents disappointment and critical spirits. Offering grace and extending forgiveness when a spouse fails is essential.
– Focus on God and spouse. Pouring time and energy into marriage and family proves a buffer when troubles arise. Investing in the couple’s intimacy and friendship makes unity a priority.
Biblical Steps for Successful Remarriage
Beyond protecting their marriage covenant, individuals hoping to remarry successfully should take proactive biblical steps to foster oneness and satisfaction:
Embrace God’s forgiveness and cleansing – Carrying baggage from the past into a new marriage hampers openness and intimacy. Accepting God’s complete forgiveness helps both partners let go of former hurts and mistakes to pursue new life together (Isaiah 43:25, Philippians 3:13-14).
Cultivate true companionship – In Genesis 2:18, God says “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” Marriage involves leaving parents to join as one with a spouse. Sharing life together, bearing one another’s burdens, nourishing intimacy in all areas, and growing together in Christ foster companionship.
Communicate with wisdom and grace – Speaking honestly while also “saying only what is helpful for building others up” (Ephesians 4:29) proves essential for resolving conflict and deepening understanding. Listening attentively honors a spouse, as does showing patience and kindness in tone.
Be quick to repent and forgive – No marriage will be free from moments requiring apology and pardon. Scripture commands spouses to make repentance and forgiveness daily priorities (Matthew 6:12, James 5:16). Letting go of offenses prevents bitterness.
Persevere in self-sacrifice – As Paul writes in Ephesians 5:25, “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” Christ’s love serves as the standard for both husbands and wives. Reflecting this level of servant-hearted commitment makes enduring unity possible.
Rely on the Holy Spirit – God promises His Spirit to those who believe and obey Him (Acts 5:32). As Christians yield to the Spirit in humility and faith, He produces His fruit: “love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control” (Galatians 5:22-23). These powerful attributes enable marriage success.
Conclusion
The Bible offers both guidance and encouragement for those seeking a God-honoring second marriage after the death of or legitimate divorce from a first spouse. Though remarriage comes with unique joys and challenges, Christians have reason for hope. By submitting to biblical principles, repenting of past failures, relying on the Holy Spirit, and clinging to Christ’s perfect love, couples can protect the sanctity of marriage and experience rich companionship. They also become a picture of God’s covenant faithfulness for others to see. With wisdom and grace, remarriage and even blended families can beautifully display the gospel.
