Being a doormat means allowing oneself to be taken advantage of or exploited by others. As Christians, we are called to love others, turn the other cheek, and forgive those who wrong us. However, that does not mean we should allow people to continually mistreat or disrespect us. The Bible offers wisdom on how to have healthy relationships where we can show grace and kindness without compromising our dignity or values.
Set Healthy Boundaries
The Bible encourages us to set wise boundaries in our relationships that protect us from harm. Jesus himself often set boundaries and withdrew from demanding crowds to rest and pray (Mark 1:35-39). We honor God and others when we properly steward our time, energy, and resources. Saying “no” at times allows us to say “yes” to the most important things. We can politely decline activities or requests that cross our convictions, overburden us, or enable unhealthy behavior in others.
Do not move an ancient boundary stone set up by your ancestors. (Proverbs 22:28)
Speak Up Respectfully
When someone crosses a boundary or treats us poorly, we should not harbor resentment but rather address it calmly. Jesus calls us to confront brothers and sisters graciously when sin against us (Luke 17:3). We can appeal to them, giving them the benefit of the doubt while directly addressing the issue. Speaking truth with grace honors Christ and prevents further taking advantage. If the pattern continues, we may need to create further distance from the harmful relationship.
Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy. (Proverbs 27:5-6)
Forgive Freely
When people do mistreat us, God calls us to freely forgive them, just as He has forgiven us through Christ (Colossians 3:13). Forgiveness enables us to leave behind bitterness and vengeance. However, forgiveness does not mean we must let people keep harming us without consequence. Jesus forgave those who crucified Him but still allowed God’s justice to be served. We can continue setting boundaries with someone while forgiving any wrong against us.
Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. (Colossians 3:13)
Value Yourself
The Bible teaches that we are all made in God’s image and loved by Him (Genesis 1:27, John 3:16). When we embrace our identity as dearly loved children of God, we gain confidence that frees us from dependency on others’ approval. You have immeasurable worth apart from what people think of you. Loving yourself rightly helps you set boundaries when others try to diminish your value. You can separate how people treat you from your worth.
But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light. (1 Peter 2:9)
Fill Your Life with Good
When we allow people with toxic attitudes or behaviors into our lives, it keeps less room for what is noble and uplifting. The Bible tells us our lives and thoughts should be oriented around virtue, praise, truth, and honorable things (Philippians 4:8). Surrounding ourselves with wise and godly friends helps guard our hearts and minds. While we cannot control other people, we can control whom we invite into our inner circle.
How blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked, Nor stand in the path of sinners, Nor sit in the seat of scoffers! But his delight is in the law of the LORD, And in His law he meditates day and night. (Psalm 1:1-2)
Limit Time with Foolish People
The book of Proverbs repeatedly warns about associating with fools, scoffers, sluggards, and the hot-tempered, urging us to avoid friendships that pull us into ungodly behaviors or attitudes (Proverbs 22:24-25). While we should not isolate ourselves, investing too heavily in toxic people keeps us entangled with sin and weighs down our spirits. Keeping our distance does not make us judgmental but rather discerning about healthy relationships. We can still pray for and lovingly correct those who mistreat us from afar.
Leave the presence of a fool, for there you do not meet words of knowledge. (Proverbs 14:7)
Let Go of Resentment
The Bible warns that unforgiveness and resentment defile and imprison us, even if we feel justified (Hebrews 12:15). When people wrong us and we refuse to relinquish anger and desires for retaliation, we allow the hurts to fester and plant roots of bitterness. This not only steals our peace and joy but stunts our spiritual growth. We can ask God to help us release the offenses to Him, letting go of what lies behind and pressing onward (Philippians 3:13-14).
See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many. (Hebrews 12:15)
Trust God’s Justice and Timing
Rather than taking matters into our own hands when wronged, the Bible asks us to trust God to deal justly with oppressors in His timing (Romans 12:19). As we follow His example of mercy, God sees and will judge perfectly. Any wrongs against us are ultimately an offense to God Himself, and He promises to defend the weak and downtrodden. God sometimes disciplines through authorities He has placed over us, whether legal, familial, or spiritual.
Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. (Romans 12:19)
Pray for Your Enemies
Jesus calls us to an even higher standard than simply avoiding revenge. We are to pray for and bless those who persecute us! (Matthew 5:44) This reflects the very heart of the gospel, that while we were still sinners, God redeemed us. praying for people softens our hearts toward them and enables us to see them through Christ’s eyes. We commend them to God’s mercy rather than wishing harm upon them.
But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. (Matthew 5:44-45)
Find Your Identity in Christ
The key to not craving others’ approval or being shaken by mistreatment is knowing we belong to Christ. Our true worth and dignity comes from being made righteous in Him (2 Corinthians 5:21). When our identity is firmly rooted in God’s love, we become increasingly free from peer pressure and pleasing people. Clinging to eternal promises sustains us when temporal circumstances disappoint.
Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1)
Grow in the Fruit of the Spirit
As we grow in godly character, we become less prone to being a doormat or controlled by our emotions. The Bible encourages cultivating the fruit of the Spirit like patience, peace, and self-control (Galatians 5:22-23). As the Spirit sanctifies us, we gain confidence to stand firm in our convictions despite opposition. We can let insults and offenses roll off us rather than being derailed by them.
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. (Galatians 5:22-23)
Live to Please God
The ultimate key to not being a doormat is Making God our sole audience and aim in life. When pleasing people becomes our highest goal, we compromise convictions to avoid their disapproval. But when God’s approval means everything to us, we find freedom to do what is right regardless of reactions (Galatians 1:10). His Word becomes our guide above fickle opinions. We can even rejoice when persecuted for righteousness, knowing heaven’s rewards.
Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ. (Galatians 1:10)
Walk Confidently in Christ
As Christians, we need never be enslaved to mistreatment or exploitation. While loving others graciously, we can set healthy boundaries and separate our worth from abuse. When grounded in our identity in Christ, filled with His Spirit’s fruit, surrounded by God-fearing friends, and living to please our Father, we gain courage to walk uprightly without being a doormat. God promises to defend and reward those who honor Him above all else.
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go. (Joshua 1:9)
