How Far is Too Far? An Examination of Biblical Principles on Acceptable Behavior
The question of “how far is too far” is one that many Christians wrestle with when it comes to relationships and physical intimacy. The Bible does not give direct answers on specific acts and where the line should be drawn, but it does provide principles and values that can guide believers in making wise decisions. This article will explore what the Bible teaches about sexual purity, self-control, fleeing temptation, and honoring God with our bodies.
Sexual Immorality
The Bible consistently condemns any sexual activity outside of marriage between a man and woman. Passages like 1 Corinthians 6:18 instruct believers to “flee from sexual immorality.” Other verses warn against letting sin have control over our mortal bodies (Romans 6:12), and clothe ourselves with the Lord Jesus Christ, making no provision for the flesh and its lusts (Romans 13:14). The definition of sexual immorality (porneia in Greek) includes any sexual act committed outside of marriage. So according to biblical standards, actions like passionate kissing, touching of private parts, oral sex, and sexual intercourse are off limits for unmarried Christians.
Even fantasizing about sexual sin is warned against in Matthew 5:28 where Jesus teaches that looking at a woman lustfully is equivalent to adultery of the heart. So not only outward actions but internal thoughts and desires matter greatly to God. These high standards require self-control and seeing intimacy as a sacred gift to reserve for marriage. Dating couples must set physical boundaries and not awaken love before it is ready (Song of Solomon 8:4). They should avoid situations that could inflame lust like long periods of time alone, which provide temptation to go further than what’s wise.
Fleeing Temptation
The Bible often instructs believers to flee temptation rather than try to endure it. “Flee from youthful lusts” it says in 2 Timothy 2:22. “Make no provision for the flesh” Romans 13:14 reminds. Even heroes of the faith like Joseph ran from potentially compromising situations, when Potiphar’s wife attempted to seduce him (Genesis 39:12). Trying to see how far you can go without “technically” sinning is unwise. As James 1:14-15 describes, lustful desire gives birth to sin when it is allowed to grow. That’s why couples must make a covenant with their eyes like Job (Job 31:1), bounce their eyes away from provocative images, and avoid unnecessary physical affection that could awaken sexual desire. Galatians 5:16 encourages walking by the Spirit rather than gratifying fleshly cravings.
When dating, it’s best to meet in public places, involve family and friends, and avoid settings where it may be hard to think clearly or exercise self-control. If sinful desires have already been awakened, seeking escape is far better than venturing into dangerous territory. “Flee from sexual immorality!” (1 Corinthians 6:18) is the resounding message Christians must heed. Better to be safe than sorry when it comes to purity.
Honoring God with Your Body
At the root of biblical purity standards is the principle of honoring God with your body. 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 says “Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit…therefore honor God with your bodies.” As children of God, Christians are called to treat their bodies with respect and holy living, keeping themselves unstained by the world (James 1:27, Romans 12:1-2). After all, Jesus purchased believers with his blood (1 Corinthians 6:20). Their bodies belong to God, not to themselves or their romantic partners before marriage. Honoring God requires controlling natural appetites and denying fleshly indulgence when it conflicts with spiritual devotion.
This principle of honoring God provides helpful guidance when questions arise about appropriate physical intimacy. Couples must evaluate their motives and ask themselves if certain behaviors are beneficial for spiritual growth or just self-gratification that dishonors God. 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5 expresses God’s will that we control our bodies in holiness and honor, not in lustful passion. So respecting physical boundaries in dating honors the Lord. Actions that could lead to regret, guilt, loss of self-control, or addiction to sensual pleasure do not ultimately glorify God with your body or conform to his standards of purity. They should be avoided.
The Heart Matters Most
Physical actions are extremely important, but inner thoughts and motivations are just as essential in the biblical perspective. It’s not enough to avoid overt sexual sin; Christians are called to be pure in heart and mind as well. 1 Timothy 4:12 instructs Timothy to “set an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity.” Both inward and outward purity are vital. Philippians 4:8 tells believers to think about things that are pure and lovely. Colossians 3:2 says to set your minds on things above rather than earthly things.
Jesus condemned the religious leaders for being whitewashed tombs – beautiful on the outside but morally decayed on the inside (Matthew 23:25-28). God cares deeply about the state of one’s heart and conscience in addition to outward behavior. If a dating couple abstains from sexual activity but fills their minds with lust, pornography, obscene jokes and music, have they really honored God with their bodies? Not according to Scripture’s standards. The intensely personal nature of sexuality means a right heart before God is essential.
Walking in Wisdom
The Bible advises believers to walk in wisdom when it comes to sexuality and intimacy. While Scripture doesn’t prohibit specific acts, biblical wisdom applies God’s principles to everyday choices. For example, 1 Corinthians 6:12 says “‘I have the right to do anything,’ you say – but not everything is beneficial.” Just because an action may be permissible does not mean it is helpful for spiritual growth at that time. There are seasons for various aspects of intimacy. Wisdom recognizes that fooling around before marriage can damage the holy mystery and bonding of sex within marriage later. It sees the value in waiting patiently to enjoy God’s gifts fully in proper time.
Proverbs 4:6-7 exhorts readers to gain wisdom and understanding. James 1:5 promises God will give it generously to those who ask. Wise choices require counting the cost, thinking long-term, recognizing that impulsive actions driven by lust have consequences. Wisdom submits personal desires to the lordship of Jesus Christ. It remembers that one day there will be a reckoning for how we lived our lives and stewarded our bodies. So walking in biblical wisdom means considering if certain choices make it easier or harder to honor God, serve others, and avoid regrets down the road. Often restraint and caution are the wisest paths when desiring intimacy before the wedding.
Leaving a Legacy of Purity
Both by example and instruction, Christians should leave a legacy of sexual purity for younger generations to follow. The body is not meant for sexual immorality but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body (1 Corinthians 6:13). Believers honor God when they control their bodies in holiness and honor (1 Thessalonians 4:3-5). They reflect the inner transformation accomplished by the gospel. Titus 2:11-12 expresses that God’s grace trains believers to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives. There is great reward when youth choose the high road of purity that leads to blessings rather than the broad path ending in destruction.
1 Timothy 4:12 encourages Timothy, “Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity.” Similarly, all Christians can leave a godly legacy to the next generation by living out biblical purity standards. They can model self-control and wise boundaries in dating relationships. They can praise those who make righteous choices. Through godly counsel, prayer, accountability and safewise dating principles they can steer young people away from compromising situations. Parents especially are responsible to have open conversations about God’s gift of sexuality.
The blessings of such a legacy guided by biblical wisdom are tremendous. There is protection from consequences of sexual sin, freedom from guilt, clean consciences before God, and the joys of intimacy rightly timed. There is strong Christian character forged. When believers honor God with their thought lives and bodies, they leave a legacy that leads others to do the same.
Fleeing Disobedience
Due to human weakness, Christians may stumble in practicing biblical purity. But 1 Corinthians 10:13 promises God always provides a way of escape from temptation. He forgives and restores those who repent. However, if couples willfully disobey God’s standards, continuing in sin without remorse or effort to change, they are on dangerous ground. Hebrews 10:26 warns, “If we deliberately keep on sinning after we have received the knowledge of the truth, no sacrifice for sins is left.”
There must be sincere turning away from sexual immorality in obedience to Christ. If people claim to know God but deny his power by persisting in sin, they prove their relationship with him is broken (2 Timothy 3:1-5; 1 John 1:6). This should produce godly fear and urgency to flee from sexual sin by the power of the indwelling Holy Spirit. Progressive sanctification is expected of believers – steadily growing in obedience as they mature in Christ. Despite failures along the way, the trajectory of a Christian’s life should be toward righteousness, not deliberately plunging headlong into sin without restraint.
Restoration and Healing
The good news is that God graciously forgives, heals, and restores those who turn to him in repentance after going down wrong paths sexually. The blood of Christ covers all sin when confession is made (1 John 1:9). But sin still has consequences, so believers must diligently protect the purity God intends for his redeemed children. They must avoid triggers that open the door to sexual temptation. They should fill their minds with Scripture and develop accountability relationships that provide courage to flee lust early. God can empower believers to honor him with their thought lives and bodies – by His Spirit at work within.
For those who have already crossed boundaries they shouldn’t have, there is mercy and grace with God. But the high standard of purity remains. So in the words of 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5, by the authority of Jesus they must learn to control their bodies in holiness and honor, not in lustful passion like the unbelieving Gentiles who do not know God. Sanctification is a process for all believers. Some have farther to go than others in achieving biblical purity. But the goal must remain the same – honoring Christ with our bodies and minds completely.
Wisdom and Discernment Needed
Determining wise boundaries for intimacy requires biblical study, much prayer, tuning of consciences to the Holy Spirit, and consideration of potential consequences. Since Scripture does not prohibit specific acts, godly wisdom is needed to apply principles to real-life situations. Believers should learn from mentors who model integrity. They must test their own motives, being aware of how quickly fleshly desires arise. The question “can we” must be followed closely by “should we, at this stage in our relationship, considering long-term effects and our witness for Christ.”
Romans 14:19 encourages believers to pursue what makes for peace and mutual edification. There is wisdom in erring on the side of caution until marriage. 1 Corinthians 10:23 explains that “all things are lawful, but not all things are helpful.” As Hebrews 13:4 expresses, the marriage bed is to be kept pure and undefiled. Anything that could detract from this sacred union is best avoided. Scripture charges Christians to exercise discernment and align actions with the gospel message of righteousness. Believers must carefully evaluate each situation, ask God for wisdom, consider motives, and aim for purity of heart before pursuing any intimacy. The Holy Spirit will convict conscientious followers of Christ if they are crossing into dangerous territory.
Accountability and Boundaries
Two keys for maintaining biblical purity standards in dating are accountability and firm boundaries. Ecclesiastes 4:12 states that a cord of three strands is not quickly broken. Couples need godly friends and mentors to support wise decisions and prevent wandering into sin. They should build safeguards like avoiding extended time alone, minimizing physical touch that awakens sexual desire, and planning intentional dates that help (rather than hinder) spiritual growth.
Proverbs 27:17 says, “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” Christians need relationships where they can be sharpened in godliness, confess sins, ask hard questions, and prevent “how far is too far” rationalizations. The body of Christ should nurture a culture of sexual integrity. Couples need encouragement to flee lust early and joyfully wait for marriage before experiencing the heights of physical intimacy in its rightful time. There is protection when couples open up their lives to trusted brothers and sisters in Christ.
Godly grief over sin should produce earnest desire to grow in purity. 2 Corinthians 7:10-11 describes how repentance leads to zeal for righteousness. When believers stumble sexually, support is needed to acknowledge failure humbly, receive forgiveness in Christ by faith, reset boundaries firmly, and walk uprightly again by the power of the Spirit. Accountability provides courage to avoid slippery slopes and instead run fervently after Christ, the author and perfecter of faith (Hebrews 12:1-2).
Cultivating Contentment
Coveting sexual activity before marriage often flows from discontentment. But godliness with contentment is actually great gain (1 Timothy 6:6). The antidote to comparing, complaining and craving more intimacy now is finding sufficiency in Christ. He alone can satisfy our deepest needs. Colossians 2:10 assures believers they are complete in Christ. As Psalm 73:25-26 describes, those who have God as their strength and portion can desire nothing else. When our eyes are fixed on the surpassing worth of knowing Jesus, worldly pleasures fade.
Contentment recognizes that because Jesus laid down his life for us, we can trust his loving timing in granting desires. Intimacy is worth the wait! There is joyful expectation rather than demanding our own way. Hebrews 13:5 reminds, “Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, ‘Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.’” The same principle applies in romance. Couples can be fully satisfied in belonging to Christ and wait patiently on his provisions for marriage. The fruits of self-control are sweeter than stolen water (Proverbs 9:17).
Philippians 4:11-13 describes the peace of being content in Christ’s strength, no matter the circumstances. This frees couples from pressure to experience intimacy now. Those who cultivate contentment in singleness are far better prepared to exercise self-control in relationships. Biblical hope anchors the soul so believers wait eagerly but not anxiously for God’s timing. Running to Christ instead of improper intimacy fills emotional and physical needs far better. Contented hearts recognize that godliness combined with patience is the path to blessings.
Guarding the Heart
Above all else, the Bible emphasize guarding the heart, for it determines the course of life (Proverbs 4:23). Believers must nurture undivided hearts loyal to Christ alone. James 4:8 instructs to purify your hearts, you double-minded. The Lord disciplines those He loves if they begin straying through immorality (Hebrews 12:5-11). So whenever desires for intimacy become unholy, the focus must return to rooting out any idolatry in the inner life. Cleansing intent through repentance, renewing the mind with Scripture (Romans 12:2), practicing spiritual disciplines, serving others unselfishly in Jesus’ name – these are pathways back to pure devotion that guards the heart.
1 John 3:2-3 says, “Now we are children of God, and what we will be has not yet been made known. But we know that when Christ appears, we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is. All who have this hope in him purify themselves, just as he is pure.” A vibrant hope of eternity with Christ inspires continual heart purification. This protection flows from the inside out. Couples who daily fix their eyes on Jesus and set affections on things above are then empowered to make wise choices in their romantic lives. They heed the warnings of Proverbs 23:26 to give God their hearts, walking the high road of true love rather than lust. The undivided heart is key.
Don’t Awaken Love
A wise principle for dating couples is to avoid prematurely awakening the powerful emotions and pleasures of sexual intimacy which are designed for marriage. Song of Songs 2:7 warns not to awaken or arouse love before the time is right. There is an appropriate season and boundary for physical oneness, a covenant commitment sealed in marriage. Passion is easy to ignite but hard to manage before then. So couples should be extremely careful what desires they stir up through privacy, undisciplined touching, lingering looks, pornography, erotic literature, explicit music, etc. It is sage advice not to start down a path that will be immensely difficult to stop.
Awakening sexual intimacy too soon always damages – if not now, later after marriage. A fire lit before its proper time will inevitably burn out of control. So unmarried couples are wise to keep the flame low, avoiding actions that could ignite fiery emotions, sensations, and soul ties without commitment. Love is precious; it is worth waiting for and protecting until exclusive faithfulness binds you as one. As Song of Songs 2:7 warns, “Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.” Sosaving the heights of intimacy for marriage will allow it to flourish in proper time.
Conclusion
How far is too far when it comes to physical intimacy for dating couples? The Bible does not prohibit specific acts but gives many principles that provide helpful guidelines. Love for God calls believers to honor him with sexual purity. Self-control and fleeing lust early are essential. Accountability provides important protection. Setting wise boundaries and avoiding compromise demonstrates maturity and patience. Focusing on internal heart purification cultivates righteousness from the inside out. Fixing eyes on Christ reminds us that he alone can satisfy soul-deep needs. Contentment in him frees couples from seeking fulfillment in the temporary pleasures of sensuality.
Ultimately wisdom, discretion, tuning oneself to the conviction of the Holy Spirit, considering potential consequences, leaving a legacy for younger generations, and a reverence for God’s gift of marriage are needed to walk in sexual integrity. Couples must recognize that emotional and physical intimacy is designed to blossom over a lifetime relationship. Premature awakening of sexual desires and activities can damage this holy gift. So believers honor God by controlling their bodies in holiness and honor (1 Thess 4:3-5), waiting patiently on His perfect timing and wise boundaries until the wedding day.
