How should a Christian spouse handle an adulterous affair that has resulted in a child?

Adultery is a grievous sin that deeply wounds a marriage and family. When an adulterous affair also results in a child, it further complicates an already devastating situation. As Christians, how should we respond in a godly manner?

First and foremost, we must remember that all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23). Though adultery is extremely hurtful, we are called to forgiveness just as we have been forgiven by Christ (Ephesians 4:32). The betrayed spouse will likely struggle with emotions of anger, betrayal and bitterness. They need support and wisdom from the church family to process these feelings biblically, releasing them to the Lord in prayer (Philippians 4:6-7).

Though immensely difficult, the betraying spouse must be open to genuine repentance and willingness to rebuild trust. True repentance requires confessing the sin, asking forgiveness, and making every effort to walk in obedience from this point forward (Acts 26:20). The couple should seek thorough biblical counseling to walk through issues of reconciliation. The church must hold the straying spouse accountable while also extending the grace and hope of the gospel.

As for the child resulting from the affair, he or she is an innocent life created in the image of God (Genesis 1:27). Though conceived in sin, this child should not be punished or abandoned for the mistakes of the parents. The betraying parent is obligated to care and provide for the child (1 Timothy 5:8). The faithful spouse may wrestle with loving this child as their own, which could require an immense amount of grace and strength from the Lord.

In rare instances, the faithful spouse may choose to legally adopt and raise the child as part of the family. More often, the betraying spouse takes responsibility for the child while the faithful spouse offers basic care and concern. According to the Bible, we are called to “visit orphans and widows in their affliction” (James 1:27), so at minimum, the faithful spouse should aim to treat the child with basic human dignity, compassion, and Christian love.

Restoring a marriage after adultery will call for deep humility, prayer, counsel, accountability and God’s supernatural enabling. All three damaged parties (spouse, straying parent, child) need compassion as they each process pain in different ways. The couple must commit to honoring their marriage vows “till death do us part” (Matthew 19:6), while also extending grace to one another and the child. As an act of mercy, the betrayed spouse can love the unwitting product of sin. In this they emulate Christ who loved us “while we were still sinners” (Romans 5:8). The forgiving love of Jesus brings reconciliation and redemption out of any circumstance.

Here are some additional principles for handling the complex situation of adultery that produced a child:

• Confess sins of adultery to the Lord and any trusted individuals who can help with accountability (James 5:16). Admit fault without excuses.
• Humbly seek forgiveness from the betrayed spouse, no matter their response. Do not demand forgiveness but respect their process of healing.
• Remove and destroy any lingering connections or reminders of the affair partner that could hinder reconciliation.
• Offer to be transparent with phone, email, finances, schedule, etc. to rebuild trust.
• Get tested for STIs/STDs and share results with spouse to address health concerns.
• Commit to counseling, accountability groups, or other means of getting help to prevent recurrence.
• If single, take responsibility for caring and providing for the needs of the child.
• If reconciling with spouse, discuss options for the child with patient counsel and prayer.
• Treat the child, though conceived in adultery, as an individual of dignity and worth.
• Aim to extend compassion to all family members affected, though firm on consequences.

The Bible speaks strongly against adultery and the havoc it wreaks in the marriage relationship. But God also offers mercy, redemption, and hope to those who humbly repent. In Christ, even the worst of circumstances can be redeemed. When adultery results in a child, Christian spouses have the opportunity to reflect God’s forgiveness, commitment and selfless love if guided by His Spirit. Their witness of faithfulness and compassion can bring beauty from ashes.

Significant Bible Passages on Adultery and Sexual Sin

Below are some key Bible verses about adultery that provide wisdom for situations when a child is conceived through an affair.

Exodus 20:14 – “You shall not commit adultery.”

This seventh commandment given to Moses by God on Mount Sinai condemned the act of adultery. It protected the sanctity of marriage and the wellbeing of the family structure which God ordained.

Leviticus 20:10 – “If a man commits adultery with the wife of his neighbor, both the adulterer and the adulteress shall surely be put to death.”

Under Mosaic law, the penalty for adultery was death for both parties involved. This underscores how seriously God takes covenant unfaithfulness.

Proverbs 6:32 – “He who commits adultery lacks sense; he who does it destroys himself.”

Wisdom literature explains that adultery is not only a sin but also destroys people and relationships. The one who engages in it lacks judgment and harms themselves morally and relationally.

Matthew 5:27-28 – “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”

Jesus equated adultery with lustful intent and held people accountable for purity of thought and action. He explained that adultery begins in the heart before physical acts.

John 8:3-11 – Story of the woman caught in adultery.

Religious leaders caught a woman in the act of adultery and brought her to Jesus to be stoned. But Jesus extended grace while also admonishing her to “go and sin no more.” This story depicts both justice and mercy.

Hebrews 13:4 – “Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.”

Marriage is to be kept holy and intimate relations reserved for husband and wife only. God promises there are consequences for sexual sin.

Matthew 19:9 – “And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.”

Jesus explained that unless divorce occurs over sexual immorality, any remarriage is adultery since God’s covenant with the first spouse is still binding.

Principles for the Betrayed Spouse

When an adulterous affair produces a child, the innocent spouse experiences intense heartbreak. Here are some biblical principles for the betrayed spouse that can lead to healing:

• Pour out your hurt to God. The Psalms are full of raw, honest prayers from someone experiencing deep anguish. Follow David’s example of crying out to God who understands and cares (Psalm 55:1-2).
• Wait on God for strength and help. Adultery is painful enough without adding a child to the mix. Look to God as your rock and refuge. Let Him sustain you until you gain perspective and direction (Psalm 62:5-8).
• Seek wise counsel. Don’t keep this trauma bottled up. Wisely share your story with mature believers who can help guide you through grief to hope. Gain outside insight (Proverbs 11:14).
• Deal with bitterness biblically. You will likely experience anger, rage, resentment and the temptation to pay back. But God calls us to forgive others as He forgave us (Colossians 3:13). This takes time and supernatural grace.
• Set healthy boundaries. You may need to create physical and emotional space from your spouse for a season to gain clarity and process your emotions. Protect your heart and establish what you need to rebuild trust.
• Consider your options thoughtfully. Depending on circumstances, you may need to separate for a time or permanently. Seek godly counsel before determining if divorce is biblically warranted (Matthew 19:9).
• Love covers over sin. If you choose to reconcile, you have the opportunity to forgive and demonstrate Christlike love and mercy, for your spouse’s good and God’s glory (1 Peter 4:8).

Rather than growing bitter, ask God to use this trial to deepen your dependence on Him and develop His godly character in you. Let Him heal your broken heart and restore hope for the future.

Principles for the Sinning Spouse

For the spouse who committed adultery and conceived a child, take these biblical steps:

• Confess fully. Come clean with your spouse about the duration, nature and circumstances surrounding your affair. Offer complete transparency and take ownership (James 5:16).
• Repent thoroughly. Don’t downplay your unfaithfulness. Acknowledge your actions as sin and demonstrate contrition before God. Determine to walk uprightly (Acts 26:20).
• Cut off all ties. End every form of contact with the former affair partner to avoid further temptation. Eliminate avenues that led to compromise and replace them with accountability.
• Change your patterns. Identify the sins, weaknesses and slippery slopes that opened the door to adultery. Build new patterns of health and integrity.
• Patiently endure mistreatment. You wounded your spouse deeply. Expect and accept their sorrow, anger and difficulty trusting you again. Don’t demand swift reconciliation.
• Commit to counsel. Pursue discipleship and meetings that will help you grow in spiritual maturity and faithfulness. Surround yourself with people who will challenge your blind spots.
• Determine the child’s care. If single, take full responsibility for the child. If reconciling, work out a plan for involvement and support that your spouse is comfortable with.
• Wait on restoration. Your spouse may choose to reconcile and rebuild your marriage. Or they may need to biblically divorce. In either case, humbly submit and focus on your own repentance.

More than outward actions, God cares most about the inward condition of your heart. Let Him use this circumstance to bring about deep humility, integrity and maturity in your inner life.

Caring for the Child

An innocent child conceived through the adulterous relationship does not deserve ill treatment. The church and Christian families must respond in a biblical, compassionate way.

• If the adulterous spouse is single, they should raise the child themselves or place them for adoption in a stable Christian home (1 Timothy 5:8).
• If reconciliation occurs, the couple should lovingly discuss the child’s care. The betrayed spouse can choose their level of involvement, from basic provision to full adoption.
• Give the child as normal an upbringing as possible by providing their basic physical, emotional and spiritual needs.
• Be open about the circumstances of their conception at an age-appropriate time.
• Help the child understand God’s love and grace in the midst of difficult family circumstances.
• Surround them with strong Christian influences within the church family for encouragement.
• Treat them as fully human, made in God’s image, despite the sin associated with their conception (Genesis 1:27).
• Remember that all of us were “born in sin” (Psalm 51:5) but can become children of God through faith in Christ.

Within the painful situation, find opportunities to be Jesus’ hands and feet, demonstrating selfless mercy and grace. Let the innocent child experience beauty from brokenness.

The Role of the Wider Church

When adultery results in a child, the church body shares responsibility to gently restore those wounded and hold sinners accountable. The congregation should:

• Refuse to gossip but rather intercede in prayer for all involved.
• Care for the innocent spouse’s physical, emotional and spiritual needs during their pain and processing.
• Surround the straying spouse with truth, grace, and accountability to promote repentance.
• Provide counseling and mediation to help the couple walk through issues biblically.
• Welcome the child into the church family and nurture their spiritual growth.
• Model God’s wisdom, mercy and forgiveness as they minister to the family.
• Keep believing God for good to emerge as all parties draw closer to Him.
• Point them to Christ’s finished work which offers hope and redemption.

During the messy reality of dealing with sin’s consequences, the church demonstrates God’s love in action. They help write stories of restoration, even in the wake of adultery and its effects.

Moving Forward in Hope

Healing and moving forward after adultery and the resulting child will take time, prayer and supernatural strength. But God specializes in bringing beauty from ashes and redemption from our pain. Here are some final thoughts on restoring hope:

• God forgives fully and can make all things new (Isaiah 43:18-19).
• Allow God to use this for greater dependence on Him (2 Corinthians 1:8-9).
• God can produce an abundant harvest of blessing from the seeds of suffering (Psalm 126:5-6).
• Let God’s faithfulness and mercy give you strength for each day (Lamentations 3:22-23).
• Keep your eyes on Christ and the eternal hope He offers (Hebrews 12:1-2).
• Trust God to work even your most broken pieces into something beautiful (Romans 8:28).

In the end, even an adulterous affair resulting in a child cannot thwart God’s purposes when people respond rightly. What was meant for evil, He will use for good (Genesis 50:20). Place your hope in God’s great redemption story.