Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a serious mental health condition characterized by unstable moods, behavior, and relationships. People with BPD struggle to regulate their emotions, often experiencing intense and rapidly shifting moods. They may engage in impulsive or risky behaviors like substance abuse, reckless driving, or unsafe sex. Interpersonal relationships are also turbulent, with cycles of intense idealization and devaluation of others. A person with BPD fears abandonment and may make frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined rejection.
The causes of BPD are complex. Research suggests that genetics, brain structure and function, and childhood experiences like abuse or neglect may all play a role. BPD often occurs with other mental health conditions like depression, anxiety disorders, and eating disorders. The condition affects 1-3% of the general population and is more common in women. Symptoms of BPD typically emerge during adolescence or early adulthood.
As Christians, how should we understand and respond to borderline personality disorder?
1. BPD is a real and serious mental illness, not a personal failing
Sometimes Christians are tempted to view mental illnesses like BPD as defects of character or consequences of personal sin. But the Bible distinguishes between spiritual struggles and mental/physical infirmities. Just as someone with cancer or diabetes did not choose their condition, people with BPD do not choose to struggle with emotional dysregulation or turbulent relationships. BPD is not a personal or spiritual failing, but a serious mental illness with biological roots and potentially devastating impacts on a person’s life.
Christians must reject stigma against mental illness. Many verses affirm God’s compassion for those who suffer mentally or emotionally, like Psalm 34:17-18: “When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears and delivers them out of all their troubles. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” As God’s people, we are called to show that same tender concern for those experiencing mental illness.
2. God cares deeply about those struggling with BPD
It can be isolating and painful to live with BPD. The intense emotions, confused identity, and relationship chaos associated with the disorder leave many feeling alone, rejected, and misunderstood. Some even struggle to believe God could love them. But Scripture makes it clear that the Lord sees, knows, and compassionately cares for each hurting person. As Psalm 56:8 says, “You have kept count of my tossings; put my tears in your bottle. Are they not in your book?”
God cherishes His children with BPD as those made in His image (Genesis 1:27). He knows them intimately, collecting every tear they cry (Psalm 56:8). His care for them in unchanging, despite fluctuating moods and behavior. He wants to comfort and heal their pain (2 Corinthians 1:3-4). Christians must reflect God’s heart by reassuring those with BPD of their enduring worth and security in Christ.
3. Healthy boundaries are important when relating to a Christian with BPD
Loving someone with BPD can be challenging. The push-pull cycles in relationships and tendency to manipulate or lash out require wisdom and discernment.
Christians must balance grace and truth when interacting with a BPD loved one (John 1:14). Gentle honesty about how their behavior impacts others can promote growth and change over time. But grace covers sin (1 Peter 4:8), so reacting in anger or judgment is unhelpful. Healthy boundaries are also crucial when behaviors become toxic or abusive. Removing oneself from mistreatment shows love both for others and the BPD sufferer, who needs motivation to get well.
Most importantly, Christians must remember their identity and security are rooted in Christ, not other people (Galatians 2:20). This prevents over-dependence on the BPD loved one and empowers extending steadfast love, even when affection is not reciprocated.
4. Treatment can help those with BPD manage their symptoms
BPD is highly treatable, especially with professional help. Research shows psychotherapy is effective at reducing BPD symptoms and improving quality of life. Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) is a specialized form of therapy designed specifically for BPD patients. It focuses on distress tolerance, emotion regulation, and interpersonal skills.
Sometimes medication is used as an adjunct treatment. While no medications treat BPD itself, antidepressants, mood stabilizers, and antipsychotics can help manage mood swings, depression, anxiety, and other associated issues.
Christians with BPD should be encouraged to pursue evidence-based treatment. Getting appropriate help is stewarding one’s health and can prevent self-destructive behaviors. Through skilled therapy and medication management, many gain control over BPD symptoms and live fruitful lives centered on God.
5. Relying on the Holy Spirit brings hope and healing
Though BPD treatments are effective, they cannot fully heal the soul. For complete wholeness, Christians must turn to Jesus, the compassionate Great Physician. By grace through faith, He redeems believers from both sin and sickness.
The Holy Spirit’s indwelling presence consoles and renews Christians battling BPD (Romans 8:26-27). As they walk by the Spirit, His fruit of “love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control” grows (Galatians 5:22-23). This counters BPD symptoms like emotional volatility and impulsivity.
The Bible also encourages those struggling with BPD to find hope and strength in God’s promises. Passages like Isaiah 41:10 gently reassure, “Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you.” Christian counseling, support groups, and other faith-based resources can also nurture spiritual growth.
6. BPD distorts one’s identity and purpose
Those with BPD often struggle with a confused sense of self and identity. Intense, conflicting emotions create inner turmoil and instability. Without a grounded understanding of who they are, it’s easy to derive purpose and worth solely from relationships or achievements. But basing identity on such shifting foundations leads only to emptiness.
As Christians, our true identity is secure in Christ (Ephesians 1:5). He gives us inherent worth apart from anything we do or any human relationship. Christians with BPD need gentle reorienting toward finding purpose not in performance or popularity, but in living for God’s glory.
God also calls every believer to embrace a Christlike identity of compassion, humility, and service to others (Mark 10:45). This brings security and meaning that transcends BPD mood swings and distorted self-perception. As one’s relationship with Christ grows, He provides the stable sense of self that those with BPD lack.
7. Cultivating spiritual disciplines anchors the BPD believer
Progress in managing BPD requires perseverance, as changing engrained thought and behavior patterns does not happen quickly. For Christians, nurturing spiritual growth through disciplines like prayer, Scripture reading, fellowship, and worship reinforces lasting transformation. These practices anchor believers to Christ amid emotional storms.
Studying and internalizing Bible verses on identity, grace, stability, and guidance also empower believers battling BPD. Passages like Proverbs 3:5-6 offer wisdom for navigating life’s difficulties: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” Applying Scriptural truths builds emotional resilience.
Accountability relationships that gently confront unhealthy behaviors are also beneficial. Christian counseling provides another avenue for facilitating healthy change.
8. God redeems painful past experiences
Childhood trauma like abuse, neglect, or abandonment increase the risk for developing BPD. Understandably, many with BPD struggle to reconcile past wounds with a good and loving God. But Scripture promises that God redeems what others intended for evil (Genesis 50:20). While He does not cause evil, He can heal it for those who entrust their pain to Him.
Christian counseling may help individuals grieve traumatic experiences, process anger at those who hurt them, and find closure. Engaging with stories of Biblical figures who endured injustice can help as well. As believers learn to release bitterness and see their lives as part of a larger redemption narrative, they gain hope that the pain of the past was not meaningless. God, not BPD symptoms, defines their future.
9. Let your life witness to God’s compassion and hope
As the hands and feet of Jesus, Christians are privileged to reflect His care to a hurting world (Matthew 25:31-46). When believers extend patience, grace, and support to those with BPD, they model for them the heart of God. This brings comfort and stability, reminding them of their enduring worth in Christ.
Coming alongside in practical ways – through providing meals, transportation, childcare, or help accessing treatment – also makes God’s love tangible. Your life may be the only picture of Jesus that a BPD friend or family member sees. Make sure your words and actions paint an accurate portrait of His compassion and hope.
10. There is joy and purpose for those with BPD in God’s Kingdom
Living with a serious mental illness can feel hopeless and isolating. The challenges of BPD may discourage Christians from pursuing their Kingdom calling. But God promises abundant life even amid thorns of brokenness (John 10:10). He has planted unique gifts and passions in each believer with BPD to use for His glory.
As Christians offer support and encouragement, those with BPD can learn who they are in Christ and unleash their God-given potential. Their sensitivity and emotional depth may allow them to minister to others in profound ways. While BPD brings inevitable trials, God promises to redeem the pain to produce everlasting hope and purpose (Romans 8:28). His Kingdom has a place for every believer.