Having a sexual fetish or unusual sexual interest is a complex topic from a Christian perspective. On one hand, the Bible teaches us to flee from sexual immorality and to have pure minds and hearts. On the other hand, many believers struggle with sexual thoughts and interests that are outside the norm. So how do we think biblically about fetishes and determine if they are sinful?
What does the Bible say about sexual sin?
There are many verses in Scripture that warn against sexual immorality and impurity. For example:
But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people. (Ephesians 5:3)
It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality (1 Thessalonians 4:3)
Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. (Colossians 3:5)
The consistent message is that followers of Christ are to avoid any sexual activity or focus that is immoral, impure or lustful. Sex is designed by God to be enjoyed within the context of marriage between a man and woman (Hebrews 13:4). Any sexual thought or activity that strays from God’s design is sin.
How should sexual fantasies be viewed?
Many sexual fetishes and interests begin as fantasy. The Bible has strong warnings against lustful fantasies:
You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. (Matthew 5:27-28)
Fantasizing about immoral sexual acts is sin, even if the acts are never carried out physically. Jesus equates lustful thoughts with the act itself. Impure sexual thoughts defile the mind and heart.
Can having unusual sexual interests be considered lust?
A sexual fetish or interest is often defined as an intense sexual focus on something nonsexual or uncommon. Feet, shoes, leather, or other objects are some examples. Many believers struggle with interests of this nature. The key question is whether these interests are immoral or lustful.
Within a Christian view, any sexual interest in things God calls sin is off limits. Same-sex attraction, pornography, or interests related to adultery would be immoral. However, some fetishes relate to sexual interests within marriage that, although unusual, may honor God when expressed in morally legitimate ways.
The Bible does not provide exhaustive lists of permissible and impermissible sexual acts within marriage. Boundaries are given through principles of love, mutuality and moral purity. Married couples have freedom in Christ to explore sexually, so long as their intimacy furthers oneness, mutual pleasure and holiness.
How can lustful interests be overcome?
For a believer, an unusual but unhealthy sexual interest often becomes a struggle between the flesh and the spirit:
For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever you want. (Galatians 5:17)
Through the power of the indwelling Holy Spirit, sinful passions can be put to death and overcome:
For if you live according to the flesh, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live. (Romans 8:13)
In addition to the Spirit’s work, practical steps can be taken, like avoiding temptation, replacing fantasy with biblical truth, prayer, accountability, counseling and focusing on righteous priorities.
Should all fetishes be viewed as addiction?
Sexual interests and fetishes exist on a spectrum. For some, certain interests are harmless personal preferences. For others, the interests become uncontrollable obsessions that totally dominate thinking.
When sexual interests become life-dominating compulsions, addiction is a real concern. Like substance addictions, sex addictions “hook” the brain through pleasure-center chemicals. Breaking free requires active resistance and avoiding stimulants. Counseling and support groups may provide help.
For some believers, merely possessing unusual interests produces guilt, even without obsessive thoughts. But guilt over temptation itself, as opposed to sinful indulgence, has no biblical basis. Temptation proves human frailty and the need for divine grace.
Can medical intervention help overcome abnormal interests?
For many years, psychology viewed abnormal sexual interests as mental disorders. Someinterests, like pedophilia, are categorically harmful. However, classifying benign but unusual interests as “disorders” is dubious.
Secular therapy aims to help people accept and express their interests. But from a biblical perspective, non-criminal interests can still be immoral. Tempering and redirecting interests away from unholiness — rather than accepting and expressing them — is the goal.
Medications that lower testosterone or block brain signals reducing unwanted sexual urges are options. However, “technological fixes” only treat symptoms. Lasting change requires spiritual transformation. As Paul wrote:
You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness. (Ephesians 4:22-24)
What does the Bible say about sexual purity in thought?
Christian counsel against sexual sin encompasses both deeds and thoughts. Jesus taught his followers:
Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God. (Matthew 5:8)
And the apostle Paul admonished:
Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. (Philippians 4:8)
Measuring sexual interests against Philippians 4:8 provides excellent guidance. Thoughts that fail the test likely need tempering. Covetous thoughts defile human beings who are called to find sexual fulfillment within biblical marriage.
Should married couples discuss their sexual interests?
Within marriage, transparency and mutual understanding regarding sexual interests can foster intimacy and fulfillment. However, sensitivity is also needed.
Couples should first cultivate their spiritual and emotional intimacy outside the bedroom. Sexual interests should be shared later, gently and respectfully. Either spouse should feel free to lovingly set boundaries without condemnation.
The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. (1 Corinthians 7:3-4)
As this passage shows, marriage involves mutual submission. Spouses can explore new intimacies freely within bounds of moral purity. However, both should focus on fulfilling their partner’s needs and desires first.
How should single adults view their sexual interests?
Unlike married couples, singles must refrain from any sexual activity until marriage (1 Corinthians 7:8-9). But does this prohibit sexual fantasy? Should singles feel ashamed for possessing unusual interests?
Having sexual interests and temptations is not sinful in itself. Even Jesus “was tempted in every way, just as we are” (Hebrews 4:15). But consciously nurturing temptation through fantasy and entertainment is harmful, training the mind towards unrighteousness.
At the same time, temptation is not a personal failure for believers in Christ. Victory over sin and purity is found in him:
So then, brothers and sisters, we are debtors, not to the flesh, to live according to the flesh. For if you live according to the flesh, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live. (Romans 8:12-13)
Through prayer, Scripture, godly friendships and other Spirit-empowered means, singles can steer their thoughts towards Christ-like purity and self-control.
Can couples roleplay fetishes in morally acceptable ways?
Within marriage, husbands and wives have freedom to express their sexuality in godly ways. The Bible emphasizes love, respect and mutual service as guiding principles. Some roleplaying and fantasy that stays within moral bounds can therefore be acceptable.
However, some caution is needed. Couples should carefully examine if certain fetish interests are truly mutually fulfilling or may be one-sided obsessions. They should also consider whether roleplaying could become psychologically addictive over time.
All things are lawful for me, but not all things are helpful. All things are lawful for me, but I will not be dominated by anything. (1 Corinthians 6:12)
Willingness to lovingly limit a behavior out of reverence for one’s spouse is also important. Ultimately, Christian husbands and wives have liberty to enjoy intimacy in ways that honor the Lord.
How can someone determine if their interest is sinful?
When evaluating sexual interests, these questions can help determine if they are moral and beneficial, or immoral and sinful:
- Does it involve sexual immorality?
- Does it incite lustful thoughts or temptations?
- Does it degrade or exploit people?
- Does it detract from intimacy with my spouse?
- Does it feed selfish obsession or addiction?
- Does it distract my thoughts from God?
For married couples, these additional questions apply:
- Does my spouse feel honored, respected and fulfilled?
- Do we maintain appropriate emotional and spiritual intimacy?
- Are we able to set healthy boundaries and limitations?
An interest failing these tests indicates it may be an unhealthy fixation needing reassessment. Interests passing the tests may provide couples new pleasures within biblical marriage.
Conclusion
Human sexuality is complex. Unique interests beyond the norm do not automatically imply mental disorder or sin. Within marriage, unusual but moral intimacies can develop. For singles, controlling and redirecting inappropriate desires is key.
Biblical principles, not lists of rights and wrongs, provide guidance. The goal is not sterile repression but joyful righteousness. With the Spirit’s help, believers can overcome fleshly habits training their minds to desire purity.
