Missionary dating refers to a Christian purposefully dating a non-believer with the intention of converting them to Christianity. This controversial practice has garnered much debate within the Christian community. While some argue it’s an effective form of evangelism, others warn it can lead believers astray and into compromised relationships. So what does the Bible say about missionary dating? Can God use it for good?
What does the Bible say about being unequally yoked?
A key passage regarding romantic relationships between believers and unbelievers is 2 Corinthians 6:14, which says “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?” This verse warns Christians against being “unequally yoked,” a reference to two mismatching oxen working together. The imagery conveys that Christians and non-Christians have fundamental differences in worldview, priorities and spiritual trajectory. These differences could create strain and imbalance in a romantic relationship.
Other relevant verses include 1 Corinthians 15:33, which warns that “bad company corrupts good character,” and 1 Corinthians 7:39, which says widows are “free to marry whom they wish, only in the Lord.” Marrying “in the Lord” means marrying another believer, indicating that Christians should seek romantic partnerships with those who share their faith.
Overall, Scripture seems to advise caution against Christians dating non-Christians, due to inevitable friction over core beliefs and values. Relationships characterized by spiritual disunity face unique challenges.
What are the potential risks and downsides?
Missionary dating poses several potential risks and downsides:
- The non-Christian’s beliefs may gradually weaken the Christian’s faith rather than the Christian strengthening the non-Christian’s faith. Exposure to unbiblical worldviews could lead to moral compromise (1 Corinthians 15:33).
- Non-Christians often lack understanding of Christian values like sexual purity, honesty, self-sacrifice and commitment to the relationship. This could lead to disappointment, heartbreak or abuse.
- The Christian may become more invested in the relationship than the non-Christian, leading to an imbalanced dynamic of the Christian clinging while the non-Christian remains aloof and distant.
- The relationship may consume energy and passion that could have been invested in Christian ministry and service. Dating an unbeliever can restrict involvement in church community.
- If the non-Christian partner refuses to convert despite the Christian’s efforts, the Christian must either break off the unequally yoked relationship or marry an unbeliever, both of which bring immense heartache.
- The non-Christian may eventually resent perceived pressure to convert, straining the relationship. This could push them further from Christ.
Overall, numerous relational pitfalls make missionary dating a very risky approach to evangelism. Christians who pursue this path often encounter grief and disappointment in the end.
What are some potential benefits?
Despite serious risks, some argue missionary dating can also hold potential benefits:
- The Christian can model Jesus’ love to the non-believer through self-sacrifice, forgiveness, grace and compassion.
- The Christian can answer the non-believer’s questions about faith, explaining biblical truths and introducing them to a Christian worldview.
- The Christian can invite their partner to attend church services and activities, exposing them to gospel preaching, worship and godly community.
- The relationship may soften the non-Christian’s heart to faith, making them more open to conversion.
- Non-Christians converted through romantic relationships may develop very strong Christian faith thanks to the power of relational influence.
- Missionary dating provides opportunities for Christians to share the gospel in a highly relational context, which some respond to better than impersonal preaching.
A major potential benefit is that missionary dating gives Christians proximity to unbelievers who may never visit a church or develop friendships with Christians otherwise. Without relational closeness, some may never experience gospel transformation.
Does the end justify the means when souls are at stake?
Some Christians argue that missionary dating is justified if it brings people to saving faith in Jesus Christ. After all, what brings more glory to God than souls reconciled to Him? However, others counter that God has called Christians to faithfulness, not simply measurable results.
Missionary dating could be viewed as an attempt to control spiritual outcomes rather than resting in God’s sovereignty. While God sometimes uses even questionable means for good purposes, Christians should focus on obedience rather than pragmatism (Romans 3:8). Faithfulness to biblical principles and wisdom is more virtuous than outcome-based reasoning.
In the end, the way something happens is just as important as the end result. God is fully capable of drawing people to Himself through Spirit-led means, without Christians using risky and unwise approaches like missionary dating. Right relationship with God should be the primary goal.
How can Christians engage in God-honoring evangelism through dating?
Rather than missionary dating, Christians can prayerfully date other strong believers with character and spiritual maturity. They can:
- Seek to honor God in their dating practices by remaining sexually pure, pursuing spiritual intimacy and consulting Him about major decisions (1 Corinthians 10:31).
- Date people with similar convictions, passions for Jesus and involvement in ministry. This unity will strengthen their faith.
- Find godly role models who have thriving marriages centered on faith.
- Ask mentors and family for wisdom when considering romantic prospects.
- View the dating relationship as a ministry partnership through which both people can grow closer to Christ.
As they date, Christians can also engage in thoughtful evangelism with non-Christians by:
- Developing genuine, non-romantic friendships with non-believers to model godly living.
- Inviting non-Christian friends to church activities with no strings attached.
- Seeking opportunities to naturally discuss faith and offer biblical perspectives on life issues.
- Praying fervently for non-believing friends and speaking gospel truth gracefully when given consent.
- Letting their light shine before others to spark curiosity about their spiritual life (Matthew 5:16).
- Living Spirit-led lives marked by patience, kindness and compassion that draw people toward Christ.
This natural, friendship-based evangelism allows God to orchestrate divine encounters according to His wisdom.
Examples of missionary dating in the Bible
The Bible contains a few accounts of women converting foreign unbelievers through marriage:
- Rahab – This Canaanite prostitute hid the Israelite spies, demonstrating faith in God. She later married Salmon and gave birth to Boaz, becoming an ancestor of Jesus (Joshua 2; Matthew 1:5).
- Ruth – This widowed Moabite woman pledged loyalty to her Israelite mother-in-law Naomi and became the great-grandmother of King David. However, she did not marry Boaz with intentional missionary motives (Book of Ruth).
- Esther – The Jewish queen of the pagan Persian king Ahasuerus bravely intervened to save the Jews from genocide. However, she did not seek out marriage to Ahasuerus as a strategy (Book of Esther).
While God worked through each of these relationships, none involved deliberate missionary dating. Rahab and Ruth embraced the true God prior to marriage, while Esther was taken to the king’s palace against her will. These accounts do not endorse intentionally dating unbelievers to convert them.
Advice for Christians already in missionary dating relationships
For Christians already dating or married to non-Christians, having entered those relationships in sincerity, there is hope. Here is some biblical advice:
- Continue praying fervently for your partner to know Christ (1 Thessalonians 5:17). Miraculous transformations can occur.
- Seek to win your partner over through pure, respectful, loving behavior without nagging or scolding (1 Peter 3:1-2).
- Examine your own walk with God. Let your life overflow with the peace, joy and kindness of the Holy Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23).
- Read the Bible daily, attend church consistently, and pursue Christian fellowship for your own spiritual protection and nourishment.
- Discuss rules for the relationship that uphold biblical values regarding sex, child-raising, etc.
- Set healthy relational boundaries around activities or friendships that may compromise your faith.
- Consider pastoral counseling to navigate challenges of spiritual unevenness in the relationship.
With soberness, wisdom and support, Christians can still model Christ’s love in unequaly yoked relationships, staying hopeful for God’s redemptive work.
Conclusion
Missionary dating is controversial among Christians. While some defend it as worthwhile evangelism, most argue it opposes biblical wisdom and brings more harm than good. Scripture warns believers against becoming unevenly yoked through spiritual misalignment in relationships.
Wiser alternatives exist, like pursuing godly dating relationships with other strong Christians while befriending non-believers and introducing them to the gospel through natural, non-coercive means. Christians in missionary dating situations require special care and counsel to walk in faith and wisdom.
With the guidance of Scripture and Spirit, Christians can navigate dating and relationships with grace, boundaries and hope. They can trust God to use their Christ-centered lifestyles and genuine friendships to draw unbelievers to Himself while protecting their own spiritual health above all.
