The Bible has a lot to say about how Christians should handle confrontation and conflict. Confrontation is an inevitable part of life, but the Bible provides wisdom on how to deal with challenging situations and disagreements in a godly manner.
Speak the truth in love
Ephesians 4:15 says we should “speak the truth in love.” Even when we need to confront or correct someone, we should do it from a place of love and concern, not from a place of pride or arrogance. We should have the person’s best interests in mind.
Proverbs 27:5-6 says, “Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy.” Sometimes rebuke and correction is needed, but it should come from someone who genuinely cares, not someone who harbors ill feelings.
Be quick to listen, slow to speak
James 1:19 reminds us to be “quick to hear, slow to speak.” When confronting someone, we need to avoid getting defensive and really try to understand where the other person is coming from. Listening helps diffuse tension and makes resolution more likely.
Proverbs 18:13 says, “If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame.” Don’t jump to conclusions before fully hearing someone out. Let them explain their perspective.
Speak directly but gently
Jesus taught in Matthew 18:15 that “if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone.” Address issues promptly but privately at first, instead of letting problems fester.
Galatians 6:1 says, “If anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness.” Our aim should be restoration, not condemnation. Kindness and gentleness go a long way.
Avoid anger, slander and quarreling
Ephesians 4:31 instructs, “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.” Anger often makes confrontation more heated and less productive. We are told to let it go.
Proverbs 20:3 warns, “It is an honor for a man to keep aloof from strife, but every fool will be quarreling.” Quarreling and bickering only lead to more strife. It’s wise to avoid unnecessary disputes.
Be willing to forgive
We all mess up and hurt others at times, intentionally or not. We hope for grace in our relationships. Jesus taught in Matthew 6:14-15 that “if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.”
Colossians 3:13 tells us to “bear with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgive each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.” If we want to receive forgiveness, we need to give it.
Seek wisdom and self-control
Proverbs 15:1 says, “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” And Proverbs 15:18 notes, “A hot-tempered man stirs up strife, but he who is slow to anger quiets contention.” With wisdom and self-control, we can diffuse tension rather than add fuel to the fire.
James 3:17 describes wisdom from above as “peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere.” This type of wisdom is needed in confrontation and disagreement.
Trust God for justice and resolution
As Romans 12:19 reminds us, “Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, ‘Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.'” We don’t have to take justice into our own hands. God sees all and will take care of things in His perfect timing and way.
1 Peter 2:23 says that when Jesus was reviled, “He did not revile in return; when He suffered, He did not threaten, but continued entrusting Himself to him who judges justly.” We can trust God for fair judgment rather than seeking to get even.
Focus on reconciliation and restoration
2 Corinthians 5:18 tells us, “All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation.” The goal is always reconciliation and restored relationships, not winning an argument or proving we’re right.
Galatians 6:1 again reminds us to “restore [the transgressor] in a spirit of gentleness.” And Jesus said in Matthew 5:23-24, “So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.” Broken relationships take priority over religious rituals.
Resolve conflicts for the sake of the gospel
Jesus prayed in John 17:20-23 that all believers “may become perfectly one” and that through this unity, “the world may know that you sent me.” When Christians fight amongst themselves, it damages our gospel witness to the watching world.
1 Corinthians 1:10 urges, “I appeal to you, brothers, by the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you agree, and that there be no divisions among you, but that you be united in the same mind and the same judgment.” For the advancement of the gospel, we must strive for unity.
Conclusion
In summary, the Bible provides principles for handling confrontation in a Christ-like manner, such as speaking truthfully but gently, being quick to listen and slow to anger, pursuing justice without revenge, and aiming for restoration and reconciliation whenever possible. With the Holy Spirit’s guidance, we can face disputes in a way that honors God and benefits others.
