Holding grudges and refusing to forgive others is a common struggle that many Christians face. The Bible has a lot to say about how damaging grudges can be and why we must let go of them. Here is an overview of some key biblical principles on grudges:
Grudges Are Sinful and Displease God
Throughout Scripture, God makes it clear that refusing to forgive others is sinful. Jesus said, “For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses” (Matthew 6:14-15). Holding a grudge means we are clinging to bitterness, which God calls us to give up (Ephesians 4:31). When we refuse to forgive, we are acting like the unforgiving servant in Jesus’ parable – we have been forgiven much by God but are unwilling to extend that grace to others (Matthew 18:23-35). This displeases God, who desires us to forgive.
Grudges Give the Enemy a Foothold
The Bible warns that refusing to forgive others opens up doorways for the enemy to gain influence in our lives. Paul wrote, “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice” (Ephesians 4:29-31). Holding onto bitterness provides fertile ground for Satan to sow further seeds of resentment, anger, and other sin.
Grudges Damage Ourselves and Others
Grudges have incredibly destructive effects, both for ourselves and for others around us. They cage us in bitterness, steal our joy and peace, and prevent healthy relationships (Hebrews 12:15). A grudge held against another person creates division and contempt, which contaminate entire communities if left unchecked (Galatians 5:15). Jesus proclaimed blessings upon the peacemakers and called us to be reconciled with our brothers (Matthew 5:9; Matthew 5:23-24). For the health of our own souls and our churches, we must lay aside all grudges.
We Are Called to Actively Forgive Others
God does not merely call us to passive tolerance – He commands that we actively forgive others just as He has forgiven us. Jesus explained to Peter that we must forgive others not just seven times but seventy times seven (Matthew 18:22). Paul exhorted the Colossians: “Bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive” (Colossians 3:13). When we forgive, we free ourselves from bitterness and follow Christ’s example of extending mercy to sinners.
Forgiveness Brings Healing and Restoration
There is a better path than holding onto grudges – the path of forgiveness that heals broken relationships. When we forgive, we invite God’s redemptive grace into places of pain and division. Forgiveness breaks the power of bitterness to control our emotions and liberate us to receive healing. Joseph chose to forgive the brothers who betrayed him, allowing their relationship to be restored (Genesis 50:15-21). Paul urged the Corinthians to forgive and comfort someone who had previously sinned and repented, restoring fellowship between them (2 Corinthians 2:5-11). Our gracious forgiveness opens the door for reconciliation and growth.
We Must Give Our Grudges to God
How do we find freedom from the crushing weight of grudges we have held for years? The answer is bringing them to the foot of the cross. Jesus bore all our sins and bitterness on the cross, enabling us to forgive because we have been forgiven (Colossians 2:13-14). As we humbly confess our grudges to God, He exchanges them with His mercy and grace as we forgive those who have wronged us. Only God’s power working in us can remove the roots of bitterness and resentment that grudges create. We find victory over grudges by daily surrendering them to the Lord.
Forgiveness Is an Act of the Will, Not Just Emotion
An important truth about forgiveness is that it is primarily an act of the will, not just an emotional state. We may not feel like forgiving someone who hurt us deeply. But when we make the conscious choice to forgive them, we are freed from bitterness regardless of lingering emotions. Paul exhorted the Romans, “Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them…Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all” (Romans 12:14, 17). Forgiveness is often a process, but it starts with a decision to intentionally release others from any grudge.
God Calls Us to Be Peacemakers
Jesus proclaimed, “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God” (Matthew 5:9). Being a peacemaker means we surrender grudges and actively pursue reconciliation in divided relationships. Paul wrote, “If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all” (Romans 12:18). Of course, we cannot force others to be at peace with us. But we can do everything possible on our end to promote forgiveness and healing. This could involve acts of repentance, asking forgiveness, showing grace, and praying for those who have hurt us.
Vengeance and Justice Belong to God
One reason we cling to grudges is that we want to see justice done for wrongs committed against us. However, the Bible is clear that vengeance belongs to God, not to us (Romans 12:19). Holding a grudge is a form of taking justice into our own hands. Instead, we are called to follow Jesus’ example of entrusting ourselves to God, who judges justly (1 Peter 2:23). We can release others into God’s hands, trusting Him to deal with them righteously in His timing (Hebrews 10:30).
We Will Be Judged for How We Forgive
Given how clearly God commands us to forgive others, there are serious consequences for refusing to do so. In the Lord’s Prayer, we ask God to “forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors” (Matthew 6:12). Jesus expanded on this by explaining that if we do not forgive others, God will not forgive us (Matthew 6:15). The measure we use to forgive others will be used to judge us on the last day (James 2:13). Since we desperately need God’s mercy, we must mercifully forgive.
Forgiveness Brings Spiritual and Physical Health
Unforgiveness and grudge-holding tend to manifest in physical illnesses, according to medical research. Bitterness triggers inflammation, high blood pressure, heart disease, and other chronic conditions. But the Bible affirmed long ago what science is now confirming – that forgiving others has incredible healing effects, both physical and spiritual. Proverbs says “a tranquil heart gives life to the flesh” (Proverbs 14:30). Forgiveness relieves stress, calms the nerves, and restores peace and wholeness to burdened hearts.
We Are Called to Forgive Our Enemies
Forgiving those who have hurt us deeply can seem almost impossible without God’s grace. But that is precisely what Jesus commanded us to do – to love our enemies, pray for those who persecute us, and forgive without condition or limitation (Matthew 5:44). The Bible gives no loopholes when it comes to forgiveness. We are called to forgive others just as God in Christ forgave us (Ephesians 4:32). Praying for the strength to forgive our enemies is key to breaking free from grudges.
Grudges Can Become Generational Curses
There is a dangerous side effect of grudges that often goes unnoticed – they open up doors for generational curses. When parents harbor unforgiveness, this sinful pattern is passed down to children. The wounds of unresolved offense are inherited across generations. We see this with Esau, who nursed a grudge against Jacob that persisted even with his descendants hundreds of years later (Ezekiel 35:5). The only way to break these cycles of bitterness is through active forgiveness and reconciliation.
We Find Freedom at the Cross of Christ
The cross of Jesus Christ is the ultimate demonstration of true forgiveness. While we were still sinners, Christ died for us, taking the punishment for our sins (Romans 5:8). Though we deserved God’s wrath, He instead showed us mercy. He absorbed blows, accusations, mocking, abandonment, violence, and excruciating pain without retaliation. The cross provides both the perfect model of forgiveness and the atoning sacrifice that enables our forgiveness. Only through identity in Christ’s redemptive work are we empowered to forgive others.
Choosing to Forgive Is Not Optional for Believers
Because unforgiveness is so damaging and forgiveness is so beautifully freeing, releasing grudges is not an optional part of Christianity. Choosing to maintain a grudge means deliberately disobeying God’s Word. As followers of Jesus called to live holy lives, forgiving others – even our enemies – is essential and non-negotiable. We certainly may wrestle with this command and need God’s strength to obey it – but obey it we must. Extending mercy to others provides powerful testimony of the grace we have received in Christ.
Forgiveness Does Not Necessarily Mean Trusting Again
An important distinction regarding forgiveness is that it does not necessarily mean fully trusting someone again who has violated that trust, especially in abusive situations. Forgiveness involves releasing bitterness and a desire for vengeance into God’s hands. However, wisdom often requires establishing healthy boundaries with toxic people. While we must forgive them, we are not called to keep putting ourselves in dangerous situations. Grace and truth must be held in tension.
Forgiveness Brings Freedom and Joy
When we release others from the debt we feel they owe us, it is truly we who are liberated. Forgiveness breaks the choking hold of bitterness, anger, resentment, and woundedness. It returns our countenance from a scowl to a smile. Paul urged the Corinthian church to forgive and comfort someone who had caused grievous hurt, “so that we would not be outwitted by Satan; for we are not ignorant of his designs” (2 Corinthians 2:11). Letting go of grudges robs the enemy of his grip on our hearts.
We Must Forgive As God Forgave Us
Since Christ forgave our enormous spiritual debt while we were still His enemies, we must forgive others in the same measure and manner. Paul exhorted the Ephesians: “And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you” (Ephesians 4:32). God’s forgiveness was unconditional, sacrificial, voluntary, complete, and anchored in love. He absorbed the wounds of betrayal and did not demand we earn His mercy. We must extend that same grace to those who have wronged us, no matter how grievous the offense.
Bitterness Defiles Many People
The New Testament contains a sobering warning about the power of bitterness to spread like cancer and poison many lives. The author of Hebrews cautions: “See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no root of bitterness springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled” (Hebrews 12:15). When we harbor grudges, especially as leaders, it gives airtime to the enemy and can defile entire families, churches, organizations, and communities. Just as yeast permeates a whole loaf, so too does bitterness spread.
Forgiveness Lightens Our Load
Carrying around bitterness and grudges is an extremely heavy burden that drains us emotionally and spiritually. The Lord promises that when we come to Him, He will give rest for our souls and lighten our load (Matthew 11:28-30). As we release others into God’s hands in forgiveness, it lifts the oppressive weight off our shoulders. We exchange the exhausting pack of resentment for the easy yoke and light burden of God’s love and redemption. Forgiveness liberates us from the chains that previously constrained us.
We Must Forgive to Remain in God’s Forgiveness
Jesus gave a parable illustrating how critical it is for us as forgiven people to maintain an attitude of forgiveness toward others. A servant was forgiven a massive debt by his master but then immediately went out and refused to forgive a small debt owed him by another. The master’s response was to punish him severely, saying “Should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?” (Matthew 18:33). We cannot receive ongoing mercy that we refuse to show to others. Forgiveness is not a one-time choice but an ongoing posture.
In summary, the Bible is clear that refusing to forgive others by holding onto grudges is detrimental to our walk with God and relationships with others. We are called to actively and continually forgive others just as God has forgiven us through Christ – for our own spiritual health and the health of the body of Christ. As we lay down grudges and take up grace at the foot of the cross, we will walk in greater freedom, joy, and peace. The more we are captivated by God’s mercy towards us, the more we will extend that mercy to those who have wronged us – even enemies who do not deserve it. Choosing forgiveness over grudges opens the door for God’s redemptive healing to flow through broken relationships and communities.
