The Bible has a lot to say about the importance of obeying and honoring one’s parents. This is a theme that starts in the Ten Commandments and continues throughout both the Old and New Testaments. Here is an overview of some of the key biblical passages on this topic:
The Fifth Commandment
The fifth of the Ten Commandments given to Moses by God says: “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you” (Exodus 20:12 ESV). This commandment comes with a promise – that if children honor their parents, they will live long lives in the land God has given them. So from the very beginning, Scripture establishes that obedience and respect for parents is extremely important.
Obedience to Parents in the Law of Moses
In the extensive law code God gave to Israel through Moses, honoring parents was stressed again and again. For example:
- “Every one of you shall revere his mother and his father” (Leviticus 19:3 ESV)
- “If a man has a stubborn and rebellious son who will not obey the voice of his father or the voice of his mother…then his father and his mother shall take hold of him and bring him out to the elders of his city…and all the men of the city shall stone him to death with stones” (Deuteronomy 21:18-21 ESV). This shows how seriously God took obedience to parents under the Old Covenant.
Wisdom Literature Emphasizes Obeying Parents
In the wisdom literature of the Old Testament, respecting and obeying parents is emphasized repeatedly:
- “Hear, my son, your father’s instruction, and forsake not your mother’s teaching” (Proverbs 1:8 ESV)
- “My son, keep your father’s commandment, and forsake not your mother’s teaching” (Proverbs 6:20 ESV)
So wisdom itself is directly tied to heeding the instruction of one’s father and mother.
Jesus on Honoring Father and Mother
Jesus also affirmed the importance of honoring parents. When confronting the Pharisees about their legalistic traditions, Jesus cited the fifth commandment:
“For God commanded, ‘Honor your father and your mother,’ and, ‘Whoever reviles father or mother must surely die.’ But you say, ‘If anyone tells his father or his mother, “What you would have gained from me is given to God,” he need not honor his father.’ So for the sake of your tradition you have made void the word of God.” (Matthew 15:4-6 ESV)
Jesus condemned treating tradition as more important than God’s direct command to honor parents. He saw this as directly disobeying the word of God.
Obeying Parents in the Epistles
The New Testament epistles continue the theme of obeying one’s parents.
- “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. ‘Honor your father and mother’ (this is the first commandment with a promise), ‘that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.’” (Ephesians 6:1-3 ESV)
- “Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.” (Colossians 3:20 ESV)
These passages show that honoring and obeying parents is just as important for Christians as it was for Israel under the Old Covenant.
What Obedience Looks Like
So the Bible clearly emphasizes the importance of obeying parents. But what does this obedience look like on a practical level? Here are some principles:
- Obey promptly – When parents give a command or instruction, children should obey quickly without delay or hesitation (Ephesians 6:1).
- Obey completely – Children should follow their parents’ instructions fully, not cutting corners or ignoring parts of what they are told to do (Colossians 3:20).
- Obey with respect – Obedience should be accompanied by an attitude of honor and deference. Children should avoid attitudes of annoyance, anger, or smugness (Ephesians 6:1-2).
- Obey from the heart – God wants obedience that flows from love and respect, not just outward compliance (Colossians 3:20, Ephesians 6:6).
- Obey parents together – Both fathers and mothers should be obeyed equally (Proverbs 1:8, 6:20, Ephesians 6:1-2).
- Obey in lawful things – The only exception is when a parent commands something contrary to God’s Word. In that case, God’s authority overrides the parents’ (Acts 5:29).
The Scope of Obedience
In what areas of life are children expected to obey their parents? The Bible mentions several specific categories:
- Home chores – Basic work around the house and family property (chores, errands, helping with siblings, etc.) (Colossians 3:20).
- Moral and spiritual instruction – Parents should pass on ethical and biblical training to children (Proverbs 1:8, Ephesians 6:4).
- Discipline – Children must humbly accept parental discipline and correction (Hebrews 12:9).
- Life choices – Major decisions like marriage, jobs, or education should honor the guidance and wishes of parents (Exodus 20:12, Ephesians 6:1-3).
So the Bible promotes a high degree of parental authority in a child’s life. Of course, parents should exercise this authority gently, for the good of the children (Ephesians 6:4).
Blessings of Obedience
The Bible attaches many blessings to honoring and obeying parents:
- It pleases the Lord (Colossians 3:20).
- Things will go well in life (Ephesians 6:3).
- You will live a long life (Exodus 20:12, Ephesians 6:2-3).
- You will be considered wise (Proverbs 1:8, 6:20).
- You may avoid discipline (Ephesians 6:1, Deuteronomy 21:18-21).
Of course, some children may obediently honor their parents and still face difficulties in life. But in general, respecting parental authority brings many advantages.
When Obedience Is Difficult
Obeying parents is not always easy. What should children do when facing challenging situations such as:
- Parents give unwise commands – Continue honoring parents in attitude, while gently presenting a different viewpoint. But unless parents command something sinful, God still expects obedience.
- A parent is not a believer – With gentleness and respect, continue to honor and obey the unbelieving parent as much as possible without disobeying God (1 Peter 3:1-6).
- Parents are harsh or unfair – All children must honor and obey their parents even if they are imperfect (Colossians 3:20). However, adult children with abusive parents should set healthy boundaries.
- Parents have passed away – Honor your parents by living out the values they taught you and by following godly principles they would approve of.
Obeying God Comes First
As mentioned earlier, the only time a child should disobey a parent is if they command something that goes against God’s Word. Here are some examples from Scripture where obeying God took priority:
- The Hebrew midwives disobeyed Pharaoh’s order to kill baby boys (Exodus 1:15-21).
- Daniel and his friends refused to follow the king’s order to eat unclean food (Daniel 1:8-16)
- The disciples rejected the Jewish leaders’ command to stop preaching Christ (Acts 5:29).
So while honoring father and mother is extremely important, it is not absolute. Obeying God must take precedence.
Honoring Parents as Adults
When children grow up and leave home, how should they continue to honor their parents? While adult children are no longer under direct parental authority, the Bible gives several principles for honoring parents throughout life:
- Speak respectfully to and about parents, never insulting or belittling them (Proverbs 30:17, Exodus 21:17).
- Seek and consider parental advice and guidance on important life decisions (Proverbs 1:8, 4:1).
- Spend time with parents and cultivate a meaningful relationship (Exodus 20:12).
- Make sure parents are cared for materially and emotionally in their old age (1 Timothy 5:3-4, Mark 7:9-13).
- Imitate parents’ godly virtues you observed growing up (Proverbs 23:22-25).
So honoring parents extends far beyond childhood. It is a lifelong privilege and command.
Conclusion
Obeying and honoring parents is a clear biblical mandate. Children must respect their parents’ authority with obedience, humility, and deference. This obedience brings great blessings when it flows from a heart of love. At the same time, parents must exercise their authority gently, not provoking or discouraging their children. While parental authority never overrides obedience to God, parents should be honored whether they are perfect or not. This honor continues, albeit in different forms, even after children reach adulthood. God designed the parent-child relationship for mutual love, guidance, nurture and honor.
