Resentment is a feeling of indignant displeasure or persistent ill will towards someone as a result of a perceived wrong or grievance. The Bible has a lot to say about resentment, its dangers, and how to overcome it through faith in God.
The Bible warns that resentment is spiritually dangerous. When we harbor resentment, we open our hearts to bitterness. Hebrews 12:15 warns, “See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no ‘root of bitterness’ springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled.” Resentment defiles us and can poison relationships.
Resentment is often rooted in unforgiveness. Jesus taught extensively on forgiveness and warned of the spiritual consequences of an unforgiving heart in Matthew 6:14-15, saying “For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” When we refuse to forgive others, it hinders our relationship with God.
The Bible calls us to replace resentment with forgiveness. Ephesians 4:31-32 instructs, “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” This can be very difficult, but God gives us the strength to choose forgiveness over resentment.
We must also repent of our own sinful attitudes and behaviors that may have contributed to the conflict. Jesus said in Matthew 7:3-5, “Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.” Self-examination is key.
Rather than obsessing over the perceived faults of others, we should pray for them. Jesus commanded in Matthew 5:44, “Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.” Praying for someone repeatedly has a way of softening our hearts.
The Bible also gives practical advice for diffusing conflict and finding peace. Philippians 2:3-4 says, “Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.” Humility and looking out for others’ interests can prevent resentment from taking root.
We are called to entrust our hurts to God and leave justice in His hands. Romans 12:19 reminds us, “Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, ‘Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.’” Resentment often stems from a desire for vengeance that we must surrender to the Lord.
Ultimately, the Bible points to the gospel as the remedy for resentment. We can forgive because God first forgave us through Christ (Ephesians 4:32). Meditating on God’s mercy helps us let go of resentment. Colossians 3:13 says, “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”
In summary, the Bible warns against the dangers of resentment and unforgiveness which defile us and hinder our relationship with God. We overcome resentment by repenting of our own contribution to conflicts, choosing to forgive others, praying for them, humbly seeking peace, entrusting justice to God, and relying on the gospel message of God’s mercy.
Old Testament Teaching on Resentment
Several Old Testament passages address resentment.
Leviticus 19:18 says “You shall not take vengeance or bear a grudge against the sons of your own people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself: I am the Lord.” This verse prohibits taking revenge or bearing resentments which can destroy relationships in a community. It calls people to instead love their neighbors as themselves.
Joseph’s story provides an inspirational example of overcoming resentment in Genesis 37-50. After being betrayed and sold into slavery by his jealous brothers, Joseph had plenty of reasons to be resentful. Yet he chose to forgive his brothers, saying, “Do not fear, for am I in the place of God? As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good” (Genesis 50:19-20).
In Job 5:2, Eliphaz claims, “Resentment kills a fool, and envy slays the simple.” This verse warns that foolish people destroy themselves spiritually through indulging resentments.
Overall, the Old Testament prohibition against bearing grudges, Joseph’s example of forgiveness, and the wisdom saying about resentment’s folly provide a foundation for the New Testament’s fuller teaching on overcoming resentment through faith and forgiveness.
New Testament Teaching on Resentment
Jesus and the apostles had much to say about resentment, bitterness, forgiveness, and peacemaking in the New Testament.
In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus said, “You have heard that it was said, ‘An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.’ But I say to you, do not resist the one who is evil. But if anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also” (Matthew 5:38-39). Rather than retaliation, Jesus commanded non-resistance and radical forgiveness even of enemies.
When Peter asked how many times he must forgive a brother who sinned against him, “as many as seven times?” Jesus answered “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times” (Matthew 18:21-22). Jesus calls for generous, limitless forgiveness rather than maintaining records of wrongs.
The parable of the Unforgiving Servant illustrates the hypocrisy of refusing to forgive someone else even though God has forgiven you immeasurably more (Matthew 18:23-35). The servant is punished for failing to forgive.
Jesus warned against anger saying, “Everyone who is angry with his brother will be liable to judgment” (Matthew 5:22). Anger often feeds resentment. We are called to make peace quickly with anyone who has an offense against us (Matthew 5:23-24).
Paul instructs the Ephesians, “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you” (Ephesians 4:31-32). This captures the heart of the New Testament ethic of forgiveness.
Paul also writes, “Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: ‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay,’ says the Lord” (Romans 12:19). We overcome resentment by leaving justice to God.
Overall, Jesus and the apostles give clear and consistent instructions to believers to avoid anger, resentment, and retaliation and instead resolve conflicts through active love, forgiveness, patience, and trust in divine justice.
Biblical Examples of Overcoming Resentment
The Bible provides inspirational examples of key figures who overcame resentment through faith.
Joseph
As discussed earlier, Joseph’s story offers a powerful example of forgiving major injustices. After being sold into slavery by his jealous brothers, Joseph rose to power in Egypt and then graciously forgave and reconciled with his brothers, saying “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good” (Genesis 50:20).
David
Despite being relentlessly pursued by King Saul, who was jealous of David’s military victories and popularity, David refused to kill Saul when he had the opportunities. He even grieved Saul’s death, demonstrating his forgiveness (1 Samuel 24, 26; 2 Samuel 1).
Stephen
While being stoned to death, Stephen prayed for the forgiveness of his murderers (Acts 7:60). He channeled Christ’s spirit of forgiveness even while suffering an unjust martyrdom.
Jesus
Jesus provides the greatest example of overcoming resentment as he willingly forgave and prayed for his enemies while being crucified after an unjust trial (Luke 23:34). His resurrection completed his victory over injustice, hatred, and death.
These examples show resentment can be conquered with God’s help, even in extremely difficult circumstances. As we meditate on God’s grace, we can find freedom from resentment’s poisonous grip.
How to Overcome Resentment: Biblical Strategies
Based on biblical teaching, here are some gospel-centered strategies for overcoming resentment:
- Repent of any contributions you made to the conflict.
- Ask God to help you develop understanding and compassion for the other person.
- Make extending forgiveness a matter of your will, even if emotions lag behind.
- Consider godly ways you can bless the person you resent.
- Pray regularly for the person, asking God to change your heart.
- Ask others to pray for your situation and hold you accountable.
- Study Bible verses on forgiveness and meditation on God’s mercy towards you.
- Let go of demands for justice and trust God to make things right in His time.
- Refuse to dwell on negative thoughts about the person and the situation.
- Channel your energy into positive pursuits like serving God and others.
With God’s help, consistent application of strategies like these can help break free from the downward spiral of resentment and open our hearts to healing, freedom, and deeper trust in God.
Bible Verses on Overcoming Resentment
Here are some key Bible verses about overcoming resentment through faith in God:
- “See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no ‘root of bitterness’ springs up and causes trouble.” (Hebrews 12:15)
- “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.” (Ephesians 4:31)
- “Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, ‘Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.'” (Romans 12:19)
- “But I say to you who hear, love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you.” (Luke 6:27-28)
- “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” (Colossians 3:13)
- “Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse.” (Romans 12:14)
- “Do not say, ‘I’ll pay you back for this wrong!’ Wait for the Lord, and he will avenge you.” (Proverbs 20:22)
Meditating regularly on passages like these can help free our hearts from resentment’s grip as we open ourselves to God’s transformative power and mercy.
Prayers for Overcoming Resentment
Bringing our struggle with resentment to God in prayer is essential. Here are some sample prayers based on biblical principles:
Prayer for Forgiveness
“Father God, I confess I have harbored resentment and bitterness towards ________. I know this has grieved Your heart. Please forgive me for refusing to forgive them. I turn away from this sin and ask You to help me freely forgive as You have freely forgiven me through Christ. In Jesus’ name, amen.”
Prayer for Blessing
“Father, whenever I think of ________ I feel anger and hurt rise up in me again. I pray that You would change my heart and help me to instead desire to bless them. Show me how I can return good for evil. Soften my heart towards them as I release my right for vengeance into Your hands. In Jesus’ name, amen.”
Prayer for Change
“Lord, I confess my resentment towards ________ has been destroying my joy, freedom, and witness for You. I renounce this sin and ask for Your supernatural power to forgive, love, and pray for this person who has wronged me. Transform my thoughts and heart as I meditate on Your mercy. Let Your Spirit fill me so I can be an instrument of Your grace. In Christ’s name, amen.”
Prayers like these, offered regularly, can be a mile marker on the long road of overcoming resentment and embracing God’s freedom and peace.
Resentment and the Gospel
At its root, overcoming deep-seated resentment requires grasping the gospel’s power. Only God’s transforming love and mercy through Christ can melt our bitter hearts and set us free. As John Piper explains, “The root of gospel-driven change is beholding Christ crucified for sinners. This purifies our hearts and destroys resentment.”
Understanding how God’s amazing grace has forgiven all our sins can empower us to forgive others. “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you” (Ephesians 4:32).
Meditating on truths like, “While we were enemies we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son” (Romans 5:10) helps us extend grace to our own enemies. As we fix our eyes on Christ, our hearts change. A renewed mind (Romans 12:2) overcomes toxic resentments.
The more we understand the cosmic story of redemption through Jesus’ unjust crucifixion and glorious resurrection, the less we will stew over minor earthly injustices. Our perspective changes. We trust God’s ultimate justice and healing even if we never see them fully in this life.
The radical love and forgiveness Jesus modeled does not come naturally. We need God’s Spirit to empower us. But immersed in gospel truth, our resentments can melt away as we embrace the freedom of forgiveness.
