Unforgiveness is a major theme throughout the Bible. God calls us to freely forgive others, just as He has forgiven us through Christ. However, unforgiveness is unfortunately all too common among believers. When we harbor unforgiveness in our hearts, it hurts us more than anyone else. The Bible has much to say about the dangers of unforgiveness and the freedom found in forgiveness.
Definitions of Unforgiveness
Before diving into what the Bible says about unforgiveness, it is helpful to define it. At its simplest, unforgiveness means not forgiving someone who has wronged you. It is holding on to bitterness, anger, or resentment towards that person rather than releasing them through forgiveness. Unforgiveness also goes by other names in the Bible such as holding a grudge (Leviticus 19:18), having an unforgiving spirit (2 Timothy 2:24), or taking revenge (Romans 12:19).
Unforgiveness is often tied to anger, hatred, and desire for revenge in Scripture. It may lead to actions meant to hurt the offender. Or it can be an internal attitude of stewing over the offense. Either way, unforgiveness indicates that the wrong has not been forgiven or released.
Forgiveness is the opposite of unforgiveness. It means pardoning the person who has wronged you and letting go of negative emotions towards them. Forgiveness is a conscious choice and process, enabled by God’s grace. The Bible makes it clear that forgiveness is not optional for the Christian. We must forgive others if we wish to receive forgiveness ourselves.
Bible Verses on the Dangers of Unforgiveness
Why does Scripture emphasize forgiveness so strongly? Because unforgiveness is incredibly damaging. Here are some dangers of unforgiveness that the Bible warns about:
- Unforgiveness imprisons us in the past and prevents healing. “See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God…that no ‘root of bitterness’ springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled” (Hebrews 12:15).
- Unforgiveness gives the devil a foothold in our lives. “And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors… For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses” (Matthew 6:12, 14-15).
- Unforgiveness makes us miserable. “…let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice” (Ephesians 4:31).
- Unforgiveness separates us from God. “But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins” (Matthew 6:15).
- Unforgiveness leads us into other sins. “Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled” (Hebrews 12:15).
As these verses demonstrate, unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. We are the ones who suffer most when we refuse to forgive. Unforgiveness causes bitterness to take root in our hearts and choke out our joy, hope, and peace. It damages our relationship with God and others. That is why granting forgiveness is always the healthiest choice, even when someone has deeply hurt us.
Why We Must Forgive
After seeing the destructiveness of unforgiveness, the next question is how do we find the power to forgive? What motivates and enables us to release those who have harmed us rather than holding resentment?
First, we must forgive in obedience to God’s clear commands. Jesus taught that we should forgive seventy-seven times (Matthew 18:22). When Peter asked if seven times was enough, Jesus said no, we must keep on forgiving, without limit. He instructed His followers, “whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone” (Mark 11:25). Paul also appealed to the church in Colossae, “as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive” (Colossians 3:13). Out of reverence for God, we must make every effort to forgive others.
Not only is forgiveness a direct command, but it is only possible because of what God has done for us. “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you” (Ephesians 4:32). We forgive because we have been forgiven. In His great mercy, God has pardoned all our sins through Christ’s sacrifice on the cross. We did nothing to deserve His radical grace. When we grasp the depths of God’s forgiveness toward us, we gain the motivation to extend that same grace to others.
How to Forgive When It’s Hard
While we should make every effort to forgive others, there are times when it feels almost impossible to let go of the hurt and offense. Thankfully, the Bible gives wisdom for how to work through these difficult situations. Here are some Biblical strategies for forgiveness:
- Pray for the one who hurt you. “But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you” (Matthew 5:44). Praying for someone softens our heart.
- Confess unforgiveness as sin and ask God to help you. “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9).
- Remind yourself of God’s mercy and Christ’s sacrifice for you. “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you” (Ephesians 4:32).
- Remember that holding a grudge hurts you more than them. “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins” (Matthew 6:14-15).
- Release the right to seek revenge over to God. “Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, ‘Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord’” (Romans 12:19).
- Replace bitter thoughts with thankful ones. “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you” (Ephesians 4:31-32).
While forgiveness can be extremely difficult, these Biblical strategies can help us release unforgiveness and walk in the freedom of forgiveness. We may need to pray through them slowly and repeatedly, asking God to soften and change our hearts.
Examples of Forgiveness in the Bible
In addition to commands and instructions about forgiveness, the Bible gives us inspiration through stories of forgiveness. Here are just a few powerful examples:
- Joseph forgives his brothers: Joseph’s brothers sold him into slavery out of jealousy. After reuniting years later in Egypt, Joseph forgave their betrayal and saved his family from famine (Genesis 45:5-8).
- Jesus prays for His killers: As Jesus hung on the cross in excruciating pain, He prayed for those crucifying Him saying, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do” (Luke 23:34).
- Stephen forgives his murderers: As an angry mob stoned Stephen to death, he cried out, “Lord, do not hold this sin against them” (Acts 7:60).
- Paul finds mercy: Paul (Saul) once persecuted Christians, even approving the stoning of Stephen. After his radical conversion, Paul found forgiveness and was used powerfully by God (Acts 9).
The Bible is filled with incredible stories of grace, mercy, and forgiveness. When we are struggling to forgive, we can look to these accounts for encouragement. Their examples remind us that forgiveness is possible even after horrific betrayals and offenses.
Forgiveness Leads to Freedom
Unforgiveness acts like a prison – it traps us in bitterness and shuts out God’s presence and healing. But forgiveness is the key that unlocks the cell door and allows us to walk in freedom once again. Yes forgiveness is often difficult, but the rewards are more than worth it. The Bible clearly describes those rewards:
- Forgiveness brings healing. “He who conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy” (Proverbs 28:13).
- Forgiveness breaks bonds of bitterness. “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice” (Ephesians 4:31).
- Forgiveness cultivates meaning and purpose. “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28).
- Forgiveness makes way for joy. “Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and uphold me with a willing spirit” (Psalm 51:12).
While forgiveness is often a journey, the final destination is freedom. We must guard our hearts, avoiding unforgiveness that leads to destruction. Instead, through God’s strength, we can choose to forgive and live in the spacious freedom of His grace.
