A platonic marriage is a marriage between a man and woman that is not centered around physical intimacy or romance. Rather, a platonic marriage is focused on companionship, mutual support, and shared values and interests. The term “platonic” comes from the ancient Greek philosopher Plato, who believed that the highest form of love is an intellectual and spiritual connection, not a carnal one.
There are several reasons why a couple may choose to enter into a platonic marriage. For some, it provides the benefits of married life – such as emotional closeness, financial security, and having a family – without the pressures of sexual intimacy. Others may get married for pragmatic reasons like citizenship or health insurance. Still others may be asexual or aromantic and desire a life partner without romance.
In a platonic marriage, both spouses agree to abstain from sex. Often, they will maintain separate bedrooms. However, platonic marriages still involve deep friendship, companionship, and commitment. Spouses support each other emotionally and practically. They share interests, values, and meaningful conversation. A platonic couple may choose to have children through adoption or alternative reproduction.
Physical affection like hugging and hand-holding may occur in a platonic marriage. The partners feel emotionally close and care deeply for one another. However, they do not have sexual chemistry. Their love and bond exists on a mental, spiritual level.
For Christians considering a platonic marriage, it is important to reflect on biblical principles for marriage. The Bible speaks extensively about marriage and sexual intimacy as God’s design for a husband and wife. It celebrates physical intimacy and romance within marriage (Proverbs 5:18-19, Song of Solomon). A sexless marriage may be difficult to reconcile with Scripture’s positive view of sex in marriage.
However, the Bible does not specifically prohibit platonic marriages. If both spouses feel called to abstain from sex for religious reasons, they may pursue a celibate, companionate marriage. Paul even recommends celibacy for those who have strong self-control and feel called to an unmarried life (1 Corinthians 7:8-9). But he stresses that celibacy should be a voluntary choice, not compulsory.
Christians considering a sexless, platonic marriage should examine their motives with wisdom and humility. If they feel obligated or resentful, it may lead to an unhealthy marital dynamic. If done properly for spiritual reasons, a platonic marriage can be meaningful. But physical intimacy remains God’s design and intent for marriage.
Overall, a platonic marriage can provide many benefits of a close, committed relationship without sexual expectations. For some couples, the emphasis on emotional intimacy over physical intimacy allows them to live according to their values, orientation, or calling. However, a platonic marriage requires constant communication, realistic expectations, and sacrifice from both spouses.
Here are some key points about platonic marriages:
- A platonic marriage involves deep friendship and commitment without sexual relations.
- Reasons for pursuing a platonic marriage may include asexuality, religious devotion, or pragmatic circumstances.
- Platonic spouses still experience emotional intimacy, affection, and companionship.
- Such marriages require compromise, sacrifice, and open communication from both partners.
- Christians should carefully examine biblical principles about marriage and sexuality before pursuing a sexless union.
- If done voluntarily for spiritual reasons, a platonic marriage can be meaningful though challenging.
In summary, a platonic marriage centers around companionship and shared values rather than romance or physical intimacy. It is unconventional yet can still foster a deeply caring partnership. Christians considering such a marriage must weigh it carefully against biblical truths about marriage, love, and sexuality.
Companionship Without Physical Intimacy
At the core of a platonic marriage is a strong companionship between the man and woman devoid of physical intimacy and sensuality. Rather than basing their union around romance, passion, or sexuality, the couple bonds through:
- Shared interests, hobbies, and activities
- Common values, beliefs, and goals
- Mutual emotional support and caring
- Intellectual and spiritual connection
- Practical partnership and teamwork
This companionship meets the human needs for connection, belonging, and partnership. The spouses enjoy spending time together, learning from each other, working towards mutual goals, and offering encouragement.
Forms of affection like hugging, hand-holding, cuddling, or kissing may occur in platonic marriages. The intimacy exists on an emotional level rather than a sensual one. There is deep care and concern for each other’s wellbeing without sexual chemistry or desire.
Platonic spouses commit to monogamy. Often, they maintain separate bedrooms and abstain from all sexual activity. Both partners must consent to a non-sexual relationship. If one spouse expects or demands sex, it could breed resentment and dysfunction.
Companionship in a sexless marriage requires sacrifice and compromise from both spouses. The lack of physical intimacy must be a voluntary choice, not an obligatory chore. Fostering emotional and spiritual intimacy helps counterbalance what is lost physically.
Reasons For Pursuing a Platonic Marriage
There are several motivations that may lead a couple to pursue a companionate but non-sexual partnership. Here are some of the common reasons for platonic marriages:
Asexuality
Some individuals simply do not experience sexual attraction or desire for any gender. Those identifying on the asexual spectrum may still have emotional interest in romantic partnerships. For them, a platonic marriage allows for closeness and commitment without sexual relations they don’t crave.
Trauma or Health Issues
Past sexual trauma or abuse may make physical intimacy emotionally taxing or even impossible for some. Certain health problems like chronic pain or erectile dysfunction can also render sex difficult or unappealing within marriage.
Religious Devotion
Some deeply religious couples choose to abstain from marital sex out of devotion to God. They may believe concentrating wholly on spiritual connection is most righteous. Certain Catholic scholars argued that Mary and Joseph had a celibate marriage.
Pragmatism
Platonic marriages may form for pragmatic reasons like citizenship, insurance benefits, financial security, or having children while avoiding sex. Some marry for social status or family wishes rather than love.
Alternative Sexual Orientations
A homosexual, bisexual, transgender, or non-binary person unable to marry their actual preferred partner may seek a platonic opposite-sex marriage instead. It allows them to “pass” in a heteronormative culture.
Those on the aromantic spectrum experience little or no romantic attraction. A platonic partnership provides companionship without romance’s expectations.
There are diverse motivations for pursuing a non-sexual union. In most cases, both spouses must voluntarily consent to this unconventional arrangement. Otherwise, a disconnect in expectations strains the marriage.
Challenges of Platonic Marriages
While platonic marriages may seem ideal for some couples, they pose unique challenges including:
- Loneliness – Lacking physical intimacy can leave spouses feeling isolated and disconnected at times.
- Sexual frustration – Managing sexual desire within a sexless marriage requires discipline. One or both spouses may struggle with unmet sexual needs.
- Social stigma – Non-sexual unions carry stigma in many cultures emphasizing physical intimacy in marriage.
- Marital conflicts – Disagreements over finances, child-rearing, etc. pose the same issues without the physical bond holding couples together.
- Diverging paths – Over time, platonic spouses may grow apart as intellectual, emotional, and spiritual connections weaken.
Platonic couples must proactively nurture intimacy and affection through open communication, shared activities, and expressing love in non-physical ways. Setting realistic expectations and giving each other grace during hard times is also important.
Some couples find the challenges too difficult and end up divorced or open their marriage to sexual activity. But many others report deep fulfillment in their unique partnerships. They enjoy the benefits of marital commitment without obligations of sexual performance.
Platonic Parenting
Many platonic couples choose to raise children, either through adoption or assisted reproductive technology like artificial insemination or in vitro fertilization. Platonic parenting has unique benefits and challenges.
On the positive side, children raised in a platonic marriage may grow up in a stable, loving home without complicated romantic entanglements. The deep friendship between their parents can model healthy non-sexual relationships.
However, children may struggle to understand a sexless marriage dynamic as they get older. As all parents do, platonic spouses must exercise wisdom explaining intimate topics appropriately for their child’s maturity level.
Without the glue of physical intimacy, platonic parents may face amplified challenges navigating disagreements over child-rearing. Good communication and transparency are key to presenting a unified front to children.
And like any parents, those in sexless marriages must make their partnership a priority. Regularly nurturing their bond through conversation, shared activities, and emotional support can model the meaning of true companionship.
Can a Platonic Marriage Truly Reflect God’s Design?
For Christians seeking to honor God in marriage, an important question is whether a platonic union aligns with Scripture’s vision of marriage or not. There are several biblical principles to consider.
Marital Intimacy as God’s Design
The opening chapters of Genesis present marital relations as part of God’s intentional design before the Fall (Genesis 2:24-25). Several passages in the Song of Solomon celebrate physical intimacy between husband and wife as beautiful and godly (Song of Solomon 2:6, 4:5).
Therefore, Scripture upholds sensual intimacy as the normative pattern for marriage. While not explicitly forbidden, platonic unions could be viewed as deviating from God’s design.
The Significance of “Becoming One Flesh”
Genesis 2:24 says husband and wife “become one flesh” through the sexual union. This implies something sacred occurs in bodily consummation that platonic marriages lack. However, most marriages endure seasons where sex is impossible due to injury, separation, illness, or other factors.
So perhaps “one flesh” unity is an ideal to strive toward, but marital commitment can reflect God’s covenant love even in the absence of sex.
Celibacy as a Gift
In 1 Corinthians 7, Paul upholds celibacy as a worthy option, preferable for those capable of self-control. He even briefly references couples who agree to temporary abstinence for spiritual growth. So perhaps some platonic marriages arise from a holy conviction.
However, Paul stresses celibacy must be voluntary, not compulsory. It functions best as a spiritual gift, not obligation (1 Corinthians 7:7). Forced abstinence breeds temptation and resentment.
Marriage as a Picture of Divine Love
The Bible compares the unconditional love between husband and wife to God’s covenant love for His people (Isaiah 54:5, Ephesians 5:25-27). A sexless yet intimate friendship might reflect the pure, holy love of the divine.
Yet God designed romance and passion into human marriage to mirror the jealous, passionate intensity He feels for His people. Platonic love alone cannot fully represent this rich metaphor.
There are reasonable arguments on both sides of this issue. Christians seeking a platonic marriage would be wise to study Scripture thoroughly, seek pastoral counsel, and evaluate their motives before moving forward.
Questions to Consider Before Pursuing a Platonic Marriage
Couples considering a non-sexual union should reflect carefully on several questions:
- What are my motivations? Do I have hangups about sexuality and intimacy?
- Have we openly communicated our expectations for marriage?
- Are we both voluntarily agreeing to this arrangement?
- What physical affection are we comfortable with?
- How will we nurture emotional intimacy and prevent drifting apart?
- How will we handle sexual frustration or temptation?
- Can we accept never having sex with our spouse?
- Does this align with God’s principles for marriage?
Entering a platonic marriage requires maturity, selflessness, communication skills, and deep commitment from both spouses. It should not be embraced lightly or as a way of avoiding personal issues around physical intimacy.
Couples need to set clear expectations and boundaries. They should anticipate challenges and proactively nurture affection, fun, and closeness in their relationship.
With wisdom, voluntary consent, grace, and Christ-centered devotion, a platonic partnership can become a beautiful, lifelong companionship.
Perspective of a Christian in a Celibate Marriage
To understand platonic unions better, consider this testimony from Leslie, a Christian in a celibate marriage:
“When Michael and I started dating, we discovered we both valued emotional and spiritual connection above physical intimacy. We decided to abstain from sex before marriage to focus on communication and getting to know each other’s hearts and minds. The deeper our friendship grew, the more we felt God calling us to a celibate marriage.
On our wedding day, we vowed to honor God through a non-sexual partnership. It was difficult at first. I missed the thrill of romance and sensuality, despite feeling fulfilled in our close companionship. Michael struggled more with sexual temptation.
Over time, we learned to express affection through conversation, cuddling, holding hands, and doing thoughtful things for each other. Leaning on Christ for fulfillment helps the most. We feel our unconventional marriage glorifies God by acknowledging sexuality as a gift we can voluntarily surrender for His purposes.
This path requires sacrifice and discipline. But Michael is my best friend. We can’t imagine compromising our calling to abstinence. God’s grace is sufficient for our needs. I hope our story inspires other Christian couples to elevate spiritual connection in marriage, with or without physical intimacy.”
This perspective highlights the challenges yet deep spiritual fulfillment possible in a Christ-centered platonic partnership. With realistic expectations, constant give-and-take, and relying on divine strength, Christian platonic marriages can reflect God’s unconditional love.
Conclusion
A platonic marriage centers around companionship, mutual support, and emotional intimacy rather than physical connection. Spouses commit to a non-sexual relationship for reasons from pragmatism to trauma to religious devotion. Platonic unions pose unique challenges but can still nurture affection and closeness when couples voluntarily consent.
Christians considering such marriages must carefully weigh biblical principles about sexuality, celibacy, and marital oneness. With wisdom, humility, and realistic expectations, a platonic partnership may reflect God’s pure, unconditional love, albeit imperfectly. Yet God’s design for marriage remains the intimate union of heart, mind, spirit and body.
