The Bible does not give an exact date or time when Joseph and Mary were considered married. However, based on what the Bible does tell us, we can come to a general understanding of when their marriage began.
The betrothal period
In biblical times, Jewish marriage involved two major steps. The first was betrothal or engagement. This was more binding than modern engagements and required a divorce to break. Mary and Joseph were betrothed when Mary miraculously conceived Jesus by the Holy Spirit (Matthew 1:18; Luke 1:27). They were not yet fully married.
Time between conception and birth
Mary conceived Jesus miraculously while betrothed to Joseph. The angel Gabriel announced her pregnancy to her in Elizabeth’s sixth month of pregnancy with John the Baptist (Luke 1:26, 36). Mary stayed with Elizabeth for about three months before returning home (Luke 1:56). Even though already pregnant with Jesus, Mary did not complete the marriage process with Joseph until after she returned home.
Joseph’s consideration of divorce
When Mary returned from Elizabeth’s home, she was “found” to be pregnant (Matthew 1:18-19). Joseph knew he was not the biological father. Since they were only betrothed, he considered a quiet divorce. But an angel appeared to him, announcing that Mary’s child was from the Holy Spirit. Joseph then kept Mary as his fiancée but did not unite with her until after Jesus was born (Matthew 1:20, 24-25).
Marriage customs and wedding feasts
As was the Jewish custom, about one year after betrothal the couple would celebrate the main marriage ceremony followed by a wedding feast lasting several days (John 2:1-2). Prior to the ceremony was a period of preparation, similar to many modern wedding customs. During this preparation time leading up to the main ceremony, while already considered legally married, the husband and wife did not yet live together or engage in physical intimacy.
Joseph and Mary went through this same process. They became betrothed, Mary conceived Jesus before the full marriage ceremony, then lived separately until after Jesus’ birth. Their wedding feast in Cana of Galilee may have been their own marriage celebration following this year-long betrothal period (John 2:1-11). If so, this would mark when they began living together as husband and wife in the full sense.
The marriage process was completed after Jesus’ birth
Joseph and Mary were initially pledged to be married through betrothal. But as Matthew 1:25 tells us, Joseph kept Mary as his fiancée through her pregnancy but “had no marital relations with her until she had given birth to a son.” Joseph and Mary lived separately until after Jesus was born.
This indicates their marriage was not finalized or fully recognized until after Christ’s birth. They were considered legally married during the betrothal, but did not live as fully united husband and wife until after Jesus was born.
Why did they wait until after Jesus’ birth?
First, Joseph waited because he wanted to protect Mary’s reputation. If others found out Mary was pregnant during betrothal, they could have accused her of immorality and faced consequences. By waiting until after Jesus was born, Joseph protected Mary’s reputation and affirmed her virgin conception from the Holy Spirit.
Additionally, their one-year betrothal period was typical for Jewish couples. Mary conceived Jesus during this time. Rather than shortening the betrothal period, they followed the normal customs of their culture and completed the betrothal before cohabiting as husband and wife. This reinforced the truth of their miraculous story.
Finally, Joseph and Mary waited because God was working out His grand plan of redemption. Jesus, the Son of God, was coming to earth. Just as His miraculous conception was special, so too would be the circumstances surrounding His birth and early life. Mary and Joseph acted rightly and obediently within God’s plan.
Examples from the early church fathers
Church fathers and early writers after the time of the apostles agreed Joseph and Mary’s marriage was completed after Jesus’ birth. For example, second century writers like Justin Martyr and Irenaeus clearly taught this view.
Justin Martyr wrote about Mary’s virginity “before, during and after the birth of Christ.” Irenaeus confirmed Mary and Joseph only joined together fully as husband and wife after Jesus’ birth.
Both men used this fact in defending the truth of Jesus’ miraculous virgin conception. Their writings show this was the accepted view in the early church following the time of the apostles.
Conclusion: their marriage was completed after Jesus’ birth
Though betrothed during Mary’s pregnancy, several lines of biblical evidence indicate Joseph and Mary waited until after Christ’s birth to finalize their marriage. This was to protect Mary’s reputation, follow typical marriage customs, and allow the events around Jesus’ birth to unfold according to God’s will and plan.
Their miraculous story was protected and strengthened by their patience and obedience. Their lives show that when we trust in God and follow His ways, He blesses us through the twists and turns of life’s journey. Though at times difficult, obeying God’s plan is always worth it.
